NYPD Blue: Summary/Review  by Amanda Wilson aka Puedo01@aol.com
Season 7, Episode 13
"The Irvin Files" 3/28/00
Teleplay by Leonard Gardner
Story by David Milch & Bill Clark 
Directed by Dennis M. White


Howzit Goin'? 
     Not only do we have HANK! this week, we also have BILL! And listen, don't
skip the summary even if you did see the show. I worked really hard on it and I
think you'll like it.... 

Summary:
ANDY & DANNY:  They investigate the theft of some art from a fairly upscale
apartment.  Both-- Andy in particular-- have immediate disdain for the victims
based solely on the look of the apartment.  The stereotypes they imagine are
backed in truth when they meet the incredible snob Noel Beller, the victim, and
his smarmy-trying-to-be-hip companion Nikki Cameron.
   The tale of the stolen art is told as high drama and taken that way by Our
John, who's listening in and, from the look of his "oh-the-humanity" facial
expressions, seems to be the only one who fully understands--check that--fully
gives a rats ass.  Beller tells how his cousin Evan from Paris is the only
other person who has a key to the house.  
    A member of the NYPD task force which deals with art thefts is called in.
Det. Wally Clark tells how the art, while worth some money, is hardly worth all
of Beller and Cameron's pretension. He also remarks on how trim Andy looks.
    Evan is called in Paris and has left a message on his machine saying he's
in New York for a few days.  Just as they're about to go follow this lead,
Nikki Cameron comes back.  Danny works her with skill, drawing her in and
making her think she's in the hands of someone who cares. She feels safe with
him, and she spills how she's sort of a hanger-on in the art world and the
reason she's come in is to tell the detectives about Evan being in NYC.
    Danny thanks her and right after she leaves tells Andy he's pretty sure she
had something to do with it.  Andy's impressed with the way Danny handled her.
He cracks how he should have taken her out for ice cream. This reminds Danny of
his sisters and how he helped them celebrate their birthdays.  The thought
makes him uneasy and he grabs a paper clip.
    Andy & Danny go out to make a surprise visit to Evan but can't find him.
He's at the house waiting with Beller when they return. Turns out Evan has an
alibi but Beller adds to the suspicion surrounding Nikki.  He tells them Nikki
can be found at his place.
   Danny and Andy go there. Nikki lets them in but she's very nervous. As they
look around a phone begins to ring. Andy looks for it and finds a man hiding
with a gun pointed at them. Andy promises the man, Derrick, that he's not going
to let anyone else shoot him so he'd better put the gun down. Derrick does.
Derrick and Nikki in cuffs, they answer the phone.
    It's Beller. He's set them all up.  He got Nikki to confess she'd stolen
the art and he promised to meet her at his place at 4pm to pay a ransom.
Instead, he sent Danny & Andy over. 
    Back at the house, a pissed off Danny tosses Nikki in the locker room for a
cavity search by Diane.  It's just a way to get her away from Derrick early so
they can get her to agree to talk to him in front of the two-way glass and get
him to incriminate himself. Danny tells her this will get her a shorter
sentence. She agrees and gets it done. Throughout his dealings with Nikki,
Danny seems preoccupied with trying to help her.
     Beller is called back to the house and while waiting for Danny & Andy is
being watched at the catching bench by Jill and John.  They toy with him. He
begins to believe he's going to be arrested for setting Danny and Andy up like
that and nearly getting them shot.  They suggest he figure out whether he
should call his lawyer or his Vicodin dealer. (He'd admitted early to taking
loads of it.)  
    Danny & Andy come back and give him the business about the set up, let him
know they've set him up in return and let him go. Just after he leaves they
decide to call the desk sergeant and have him tossed for his pills on the
street outside as a "farewell scare." 
    The story wraps up with Andy in bed with Theo reading "Green Eggs & Ham."
Andy stops reading to try to convince Theo he should pursue his artistic
wanderings (watercolor-wrinkled paintings of the park and Theo's friend Gregory
displayed) because he knows he can make a lot of money as a painter. Theo's
more interested in reading (maybe writing?) and begs Andy to continue with his
own versions of Sam I Am as he makes another assault on Andy's nose hairs.

D & G:  They investigate a missing persons case that they think right from the
start might be something more.  Dwight Gunther comes to report his wife missing
but refuses to make eye-contact with either detective during the entire
interview.  
   They try to force eye-contact and look hard for any signs of normal life in
this man but fail to connect.  Ol' Dwight's dim rather than bright. He tells a
well-rehearsed story of how his wife went off to Florida and he hasn't seen her
since.  He reacts inappropriately to questions like "Has she ever mentioned
suicide?"  Yes, it's hard to react inappropriately to such a question, but
Dwight does and so D and G (Baldwin and Greg, for the uninitiated) suspect
something's gone terribly wrong for poor Mrs. Gunther.
    Dwight leaves after telling D & G where he works and giving them a poster
he made up with her picture. He pinned them up around the neighborhood,
apparently thinking it would show his concern. Instead, it brought in the first
witness against him.
   A man who's seen the poster tells the detectives he rented a car to a man
who had three suitcases. D & G ask about the suitcases making it fairly clear
to the witness that they think Dwight hacked up his wife and was trying to find
a spot to dump her.
   They go out next to the place he works and in a wordless scene find
witnesses who tell of seeing Dwight out back with suitcases trying to leave
them in some weeds but taking them away instead.
   Dwight is brought back in on the pretense of report from Atlantic City of a
woman with amnesia who fits his wife's description.  Dwight handles this
inappropriately and G just ends up cutting to the chase, telling him they think
he cut her all up and put her in suitcases. D adds how they're going to take
Luminol to his house and easily find where he did the cutting which will
incriminate him totally. 
    Dwight ends up getting out in front of it, explaining that his wife was
something less than human. He asks if either of them are married providing us
with an LOTW (see below).

Review:
ANDY & DANNY:  Here was an edgy little story.  One of the best all season,
really. I had no idea what was coming and loved the twists.  I was lucky enough
NOT to have seen an ABC Ruin It Instead of Promo It promo, so the scene where
Derrick pops out with the gun took me totally by surprise.  (Hope you didn't
have it ruined for you either; Hope the ABC promo people roast! The rule is
this: Show them what they're going to see without showing them what you're
going to show!  Think about it. It's Promo 101.) 
    Enough of that...  I was saying how I loved the surprises. I do, and I've
missed them!  We haven't had a good surprise in a long time. I enjoyed all of
them here. There was the gun, the fact that the ending was a set up by Beller,
the fact that Beller got set up in the real ending and, the best, the little
"farewell scare" scene.  Others may be less gullible than I, but I did not see
the little dialing duet coming at all. (What a great looking shot that was,
too!)  Good choice not to show him getting tossed outside-- the folks who are
really good at this kind of thing know where the punch line is and know where
to end it. Our Blue folks are really good. 
     Everything about Beller's last scene worked--Jill and hell, Our John
(that's the new term of endearment/identifier for him, by the way)--they were
great in that scene.  What a combo: Jill's shaking the guy, not letting up,
just shaking him, and Our John's cutting in with the jabs here and there,
smacking him verbally. It's not hard to understand what makes this kind of
thing appealing.  Who wants to beat the shit out of a pretentious millionaire?
C'mon! Who doesn't?  And that fella who played Beller? Gedouddahere....he was
awesome! Great casting choice too; I still wanna kick his whiney ass from the
last time I saw him on LA LAW (More on that in LEGACIES below).
     Speaking of casting, I hope you caught Our Bill Clark in the show tonight.
He was the smooth 'n handsome Det. Wally Clark (there's creativity...) who came
over from the task force to tell the boys about the stolen art.   I have to say
this about him: He's got presence. It's hard to tell what kind of  actor
someone is from a few minutes on screen (especially when he's playing what he
was for decades on end), but this few minutes was enough to show that this is a
guy Guilty Criminal You does not want to be sitting across from in the pokey
room.  He looks nice and friendly and kinda like a teddy bear you wanna hug
while at the same time he looks like the kind of guy who couldn't give two
shits for your rotten childhood sob story and if you don't tell him right NOW
that you're the one who stole the Lindbergh baby on your way to kill Ron and
Nicole he's gonna bury you alive in the hole in the basement wall that he
knocked out just for you.  I think maybe another five minutes with him and
you'd toss in Jonbenet Ramsey just to make sure you got all your bases covered.
 I'm sure the NYPD is missing him. Me? I'm glad he's where he is, of course,
but I think he should be a regular on the show.  
     I'm sure it was his charm that inspired that of the character Danny in
this episode. He was working all kinds of charm on Ms. Nikki. He had me, and
her, thinking he was really interested. That is until the minute she leaves and
he tells Andy how convinced he is she's a suspect. Then later, he just dogged
her big time at the crime scene.  She was so surprised!  She thought she had
him, but noooo.  Actually, I think a little part of her did have him. 
Something about her stirred him up. Diane noticed it, as we did, and she didn't
even see him grab the paper clip.  I think Nikki reminded him of his sisters in
some way.  A little bit to remind us Danny's papers aren't completely clipped
together, so to speak.
     
D & G:  The story was a fine comment on what has to be the number one crime
today: stupidity.  Kill you wife. Hang up a poster.  Find your own witnesses!
Who needs cops?  ;)
     It is seriously amazing how really, really stupid criminals are. (OT: Got
a guy on trial in my city now for two murders. He told his whole neighborhood
about them. Of course the cops heard it not long after (and YES those witnesses
WALKED IN to the police station to tell).  Today in court, his defense lawyer
opened with this: "He's guilty. He did it. You'll convict him."  And he sat
down. He's hanging everything on keeping the kid out of the chair.)  
     But I digress....How about that wordless scene?  Been a while since we've
seen one. This one worked really well.  I had no trouble at all understanding
what was happening.  This is a creative, economic way of story telling when
you've got to wrap things up in 45 minutes.  It doesn't always work, but
tonight it did.
     What I *really* liked about this story was the developing friendship
between Greg and Baldwin.  It's different than it was with James, so far. I
hope it stays that way.   Baldwin just out and out laughs at Greg rather than
rolling his eyes.  Baldwin faces right into Greg's oddities with "What did you
want me to do to stop you, shoot you?" kinds of statements.  God, do you think
Greg could actually end up being a bridge between D and the others in the
squad? Greg's the only one he hasn't consistently pissed off....
    And Greg, Greg, Greg...you know people just like him, don't you? I do. And
if Greg drives you nuts and makes you want to rip out your hair know this: The
real Gregs of the world affect you the same way, and Gordon Clapp is just sheer
perfection at making you squirm when you see Greg.  Love to hate Greg or Simply
hate Greg, you gotta stand up and applaud Gordon Clapp for making you feel it. 

QUICK HITS:
*Howzit goin'?  After all the gnashing of teeth in alt.tv.nypd-blue over
"absolutely" and "yeah huh" and "you OK?" and whatever the hell else we get
obsessed with, here comes "Howzit goin'" I love it.  They do say it all the
time and here it was showcased for all us smart asses to see.  Very funny how
Baldwin asks Beller after Beller's made this big deal out of it, then seconds
later, Howzit G's are exchanged on the steps and in the hallway until finally
Beller makes real good use of it in pissing Danny off.  This was a very, very
clever bit of writing. Yeah, huh.

*Speaking of Yeah, huh? it was damn good to hear it again. And delivered so
smoothly from the mouth of Detective Wally. 

*I also kind of missed the beverage bit we had so much fun with a season or two
ago. Fun to see Beller making that a sore point.  (And Nikki going for a Sprite
like that....mymymy)

*I do love Our John's ability to be a smartass. He's so good at it. Reminds me
of when he punched that guy that one time...

*Our Hank! He had such a meaningful scene this week. Of course, I loved it. If
he's going to be getting this much face time with his mouth moving, we're going
to have to take him out of the drinking game. I'll have to join AA with Andy &
Diane otherwise. :)

*Shannon!  Long time no see. 

*I realize the cavity search thing was just a way to a) shake Nikki up and b)
get her away from Derrick in a way he wouldn't suspect the male cops had talked
to her but I was a little surprised at how Danny and then Andy just busted into
the locker room. Diane didn't know it was a ruse until after Danny came in and
by that time, Nikki had her shirt off.  Another few minutes and who knows what
Danny would have walked into. Isn't there some civil rights violation thing
going on here? ;)

*Fun to see Andy being rough again with Derrick the Kiss My Ass man. Got a big
kick out of him grabbing Derrick's nose and dragging him over to John.

*Another week without Mary...I think we can assume they're still hitting the
rack and so forth.

*And hats off to whoever is involved in choosing the guest actors. I've said it
before, but again:  These people are consistently good.  This week stands out. 

*Theo..the doll...he's inspired me:
  "I would not eat them in a bar, I would not throw them at your car. I used to
whine about the cold; but now I am a woman bold. I don't take crap from a
low-life skel; I get him scared and make him tell. I have a friend and his
name's Andy, but it's his friend who makes me randy. I would not care if he
liked clips, I'd let him kiss me on the lips. I do so miss my hubby man but now
it's time to check out Dan. "  An excerpt from the my latest poem: "Diane I
Am."  I know, it sucks. All of my poetry sucks.  It's the signature
characteristic.

CAST LEGACIES AND SUNDRY INFO:
Previously On NYPD Blue: Bill Clark (Det. Wally Clark)--It's his third time on
the show he helps make happen as one of the executive producers.  He's played a
cop all three times.  Next time, I think he should be a skel just for the fun
of it.

Previously On Several Bochco Shows:  Stanley Kamel (Noel Beller)--Most familiar
to me from when he played a gay lawyer on LA LAW (back in the days when showing
only the PC version of things was done on TV).  He was also on Hill Street
Blues several times; had a gig on Murder One and also on Total Security. 
Outside Bochco work: Days of Our Lives, Melrose Place & Beverly Hills 90210.

Blue Newbies: Jamie Rose (Nikki Cameron)--Haven't seen her since the Falcon
Crest days! (Cut me a break, I was in high school).  She's also done tons of 
TV movies and has been on Chicago Hope several times.

Tuc Watkins (Derrick)--He was in The Mummy. He's also done three soaps: General
Hospital, One Live To Live and Santa Barbara.

And from the Academy Award winning Best Picture of the year, American Beauty,
actor Kent Faulcon (Randall Dixon, the car rental guy).  In American Beauty, he
played a guy in one of the couples Annette Benning showed the house to.  Hey, I
know it's not much, but everyone contributes in some way, so Kent,
congratulations. 

Rounding out the cast: Paul Vincent O'Conner as the wiggy Mr. Gunther; Michael
Harris as Evan Sibley and James McBride as Officer Shannon.


LINES OF THE WEEK: 
  As usual, there are just too many. I'll pick a few, you pick a few...

G to D after meeting Mr. Gunther (whose initials are D.G. hmmm)
"I think we now know, Baldwin, how a male resident of Mars would report his
wife missing." 

After Beller makes a big deal out of Howzit Goin' and Nikki explains why it
pissed him off Andy says:
"Either of you has a gun, feel free to shoot me. I meant it like hello."

Mr. Gunther to D & G after telling how hard it's been for him to dispose of his
wife's chip-chopped remains: "Is either of you married?"
Greg: "I was."
Mr. Gunther: "How did you ever get rid of her?"
Greg: "She dumped me." Then, after a questioning look: "Not in the same sense
you were looking to dump Mrs. Gunther."

Jill to Beller, who thinks he's going to be busted for his little set up: "You
think I'm leaning my police 'aphorism' against this desk because I like keeping
company with a lame-o Vicodin freak?"
Beller, looking to John: "Are they intending to arrest me?"
John: "I'm just the PAA."
Jill: "A collar only gets one call Mr. Beller, I think you should be deciding
whether that's gonna be your lawyer or your dealer."
John: "Unless he's the same person."

Derrick to Andy: "The only situating you're gonna be doing for me is calling me
a lawyer."
Andy: "OK, you're a lawyer. But that's a step down from stealing art."

My Favorite:
Beller to his cousin after a friendly greeting from Baldwin:
"Everyone, including the mortally wounded, get asked Howzit Goin'"

NEXT WEEK: The return of Mary Franco.  And the return of JB the snitch...ah,
jeeze... maybe he'll OD?  ;)

See ya then,
Amanda Wilson