POWER STAR The Imagination Anthology ISSUE 73 APRIL 1994 Jerry Seward, Editor Emeritus Kimberly Murphy, Managing Editor Beavis & Butt-Head, Layout Editors Rob Murphy, Associate Layout Editor Bennet Pomerantz, News Columnist J. Calvin Smith, Manuscript Editor Monica Rose Kiesel, Production Director CONTRIBUTOR: L. Grey IN THIS ISSUE: Murphy's Musings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .3 Reflections on the success of TWIN PEAKS. Back Issues Cross-Reference. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4 Our TWIN PEAKS catalog, for your perusal. "Tapes Withheld, #4", By L. Grey . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12 Before his trip to Twin Peaks, Cooper muses to Diane about climate control. "A Musical Guide To TWIN PEAKS For The Very Young", By J. Calvin Smith . 15 Our resident Peaks cartoonist tries to find a way to explain this off-beat show to his two-year-old daughter Susan Rose. "Russ Tamblyn: A Conversation", Conclusion. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 In the conclusion of this panel discussion from FANEX 6, Russ discusses being a former child star in the fifties and his experience as PEAKS' Dr. Jacoby. "Boys' Night Out", By Kimberly Murphy. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27 A stressed-out Ben Horne needs a night away from TWIN PEAKS...but the trip is not the relaxing experience he hoped for. Comm Panel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40 TWIN PEAKS fandom writer L. Grey sounds off about the POWER STAR slant on the Peaks universe. News . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45 Catch up with Jerry, Kimberly, and Bennet. * * * * * * * * POWER STAR is a monthly amateur fanzine devoted to science fiction, fantasy, and horror in all media and is published by Kimberly Murphy and Jerry Seward. Seeking material--fiction and non-fiction, prose, poetry, and artwork--on all forms of fantastic media. Comments are welcome. Submission guidelines are available upon request. Issues 1-23 are no longer available. Other issues are available upon request. Issues cost $5.00 ($7.50 in Canada/Mexico; $10.00 for other foreign countries) in U.S. funds. Make check or money order payable to Kimberly Murphy. A shareware (ASCII-text only) version is available on The Anne Arundel Information Exchange ((410 519- 0822, to 2400 baud, 8-N-1; (410) 519-0467 at 9600 baud, 8-N-1) in the POWER STAR conference. Copies may be registered for $5.00 in U.S. funds. Address all correspondence to: Kimberly Murphy Managing Editor, POWER STAR 9740-E Covered Wagon Dr. Laurel, MD 20723-1512 USA (Information requests, please enclose SASE.) * * * * * * * * Copyright 1994, Jerry Seward/Kimberly Murphy. POWER STAR is in no way meant to infringe the rights of holders of copyrights referred to in this publication. All original stories and artwork are copyrighted to the authors. Murphy's Musings Commentary By Kimberly Murphy Short and sweet and to the point this month, since this is a good-sized issue: Four year ago this April, ABC broadcast the pilot film for TWIN PEAKS, and it became the number-one rated TV movie of the year. PEAKS' success may have dwindled Nielsen-wise during its year-and-a-half run, but in getting on the air and lasting 32 hours, it paved the way for such shows as NORTHERN EXPOSURE, PICKET FENCES, and THE X-FILES. In my eyes, that's something to celebrate. This is the sequel to our wildly-successful issue 61 last year, an issue that to this day I am still getting orders for. And I hope it's an issue that you'll enjoy. So, without further ado, on to the issue! -- Kimberly POWER STAR The Imagination Anthology Back Issues Pricing Policy: All issues except The POWER STAR Yearbook and Issue 50 cost the same: $5.00 per single issue, $9.00 for two issues, $12.50 for three issues, $25.00 for six issues, $40.00 for twelve issues. The POWER STAR Yearbook and Issue 50 are priced at: $15.00 each, or $25.00 for both issues. (Canada/Mexico, add $2.50 in U.S. funds per order; other overseas countries, add $5.00 per order.) Issue 35 Primary story: "Beware Of A Fool's Mate", a TWIN PEAKS story that takes place between the Laura Palmer murder and the Windom Earle mystery, where Agent Cooper has been shot again and a mysterious agent named D.L. Wilkins arrives in town to investigate. Also: "Cries Of The Courageous", part one of a four-part STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION script where the Enterprise is assigned to ameliorate relations between an affluent management faction and a striking labor force on a Federation world that threatens to explode into civil war; "A Serpent In Paradise", part one of a four-part TOTAL RECALL story where, on a reborn Mars, nightmares are troubling Quaid, leading him to wonder if Hauser is regaining control; conclusion of the three-part BATMAN story "Satisfaction". Issue 39 Primary story: "Two-Pronged Attack", a TWIN PEAKS story that follows up the attempted assassination of Cooper in "Beware Of A Fool's Mate" (issue 35) by asking the question: Was Cooper's would-be assassin caught in the act--or was he just a decoy? Also: Book reviews of THE FIRST AMERICANS and MARCHING THROUGH GEORGIA; part two of "A Serpent In Paradise". Issue 41 Primary story: "Zara", an original story about a beautiful alien and the lengths two warring commanders--one her common-law husband, one her lover and the father of her child--go to protect her. Also: Interviews with authors Somtow Sucharitkul and P.E. Cunningham; reports from TWIN PEAKS parties in Washington, DC, and Baltimore, MD; part three of "Cries Of The Courageous"; conclusion of the STAR TREK/STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION crossover story "Ultimate Truth". Issue 42 Primary story: "Bridge Between Worlds", part one of a two-part TWIN PEAKS story which resolves the series' cliffhanger and brings F.B.I. Special Agent Diane Wilkins to Twin Peaks once more. Also: "To Dale And Diane", a TWIN PEAKS poem; book reviews of THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF F.B.I. SPECIAL AGENT DALE COOPER and WELCOME TO TWIN PEAKS: AN ACCESS GUIDE TO THE TOWN; a viewer's guide to ALIEN NATION; "Excursions Into Academia", Cinda Gillilan's call for information on and study of fandom; "Only Half The Man"; part one of a three-part MANIMAL story which finds Jonathan Chase caught between man and animal form after receiving a severe electric shock; "They Don't Make Them Like They Used To", part one of a three-part STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION story where Data builds an android version of Tasha Yar. Issue 43 Primary story: Part two of "Bridge Between Worlds", where Diane must rescue Dale's soul from the Black Lodge--but only if she can face her own deepest fears. Also: "Back Alley Crisis", a G.I. JOE story told from Cat's point of view; part four of the G.I. JOE story "Operation: Paradise Lost"; part five of the seven-part original script story "Twisted Web 2: Resurrection". Issue 44 "Two Souls", part one of a five-part TWIN PEAKS script where Dale and Diane--their ordeal in the Black Lodge over--attempt to rebuild their lives in Twin Peaks, much to the dismay of Benjamin Horne, who vows to rid the town of the two F.B.I. agents any way he can. But Benjamin may have bitten off more than he can chew by recruiting unscrupulous mortgage broker Jack Allenback to aid him in his pursuit. Issue 45 Part two of "Two Souls", which finds D.E.A. Special Agent Dennis "Denise" Bryson arriving with bad news for Dale and Diane about a notorious drug dealer who's headed for Twin Peaks--a drug dealer who launders his money through brokering mortgages. Issue 46 Part three of "Two Souls", which finds Dale and Diane tracking the trail of drug dealer John Allen, Benjamin accelerating his plans to purchase Dale's mortgage, and Jack Allenback's preparation for his own assault on the twin agents. Issue 48 Primary story: Part four of "Two Souls", where Jack Allenback accelerates his plans to stop Dale and Diane as they rapidly close in on him. Also: Conclusion of the two-part CAPTAIN SCARLET AND THE MYSTERONS story "Do Thunderbolts Strike Twice?". Issue 49 Primary story: Conclusion of "Cries Of The Courageous", where civil war threatens to engulf the mining planet of Yervossa, and the Away Team--including Picard--are trapped in the middle of the hostilities. Also: Conclusion of "Two Souls". The POWER STAR Yearbook SPECIAL ALL-TWIN PEAKS ISSUE! Two color covers add to the cost of this special issue, a perfect introduction into the POWER STAR version of the TWIN PEAKS universe; cost is $15.00. In this issue: Kimberly Murphy's trilogy of PEAKS stories introducing Diane and resolving the series' cliffhanger, including revisions to "Beware Of A Fool's Mate", "Two-Pronged Attack", and "Bridge Between Worlds" to cover "truths" revealed in the movie and the series' later episodes, are combined into a single anthology called "The Saga Of Dale And Diane". Issue 50 Special Celebration Issue! Color covers of STAR TREK and QUANTUM LEAP add to the cost of this much larger issue; this issue costs $15.00. Primary story: "My Brother's Keeper", part one of a three-part QUANTUM LEAP story about Sam leaping into Al during his days as a P.O.W. in Vietnam. Also: "I Will Not Be Pushed", part one of a three-part PRISONER story that finds Number Six back in the Village after twenty years; an episode guide to BEYOND REALITY; a viewer's guide to NIGHTMARE CAFE; an editorial on CreationCons; the history of STAR TREK's Lt. Commander Gary Mitchell; review of the European version of the TWIN PEAKS pilot. Issue 51 Primary story: "Voices Through The Gateway", part one of a four-part TWIN PEAKS story in which Dale is accidentally injected with a mysterious drug during a hostage rescue and begins to experience increased psychic sensations. Also: "Penny's Diary", part one of a two-part LOST IN SPACE story about the Robinsons' ordeal on planet Monotony; an episode guide to MANIMAL; reviews of ALIEN3 and BATMAN RETURNS; part two of "Only Half The Man"; part two of "My Brother's Keeper"; part two of "I Will Not Be Pushed". Issue 52 Primary story: Conclusion of "My Brother's Keeper", which finds Sam in Al's form leading an escape from a Viet Cong prison camp. Also: "The Warrior", a STAR WARS short-short; "Comes The Cheetah", part one of a multi-part FLASH story, about a deadly female CIA operative who has Barry Allen's powers and who has been sent to kill him; "The Renewal Run", part one of a three-part LOGAN'S RUN story, a story that takes place just before the end of the M-G-M film and is based on the unfinished Marvel Comics story by John Warner; STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION submission guidelines, courtesy of Paramount Pictures; conclusion of "Penny's Diary"; conclusion of "I Will Not Be Pushed"; part two of the three-part Batman story "You Can't Keep A Good Joker Down"; part two of "Voices Through The Gateway". Issue 53 Primary story: A belated tribute to the late, great Gene Roddenberry. Also: "If Only I Had Known" and "The Ending Of The Game", STAR TREK poetry; Starfleet Engineering excerpts on food replicators; a history of the U.S.S. Surak; a report from the FANEX 6 convention; fanzine reviews of MIDNIGHT MARQUEE, BLOOD TIMES, and SCARLET STREET; review of TWIN PEAKS: FIRE WALK WITH ME; "Home For The Weekend", part one of a three-part STARMAN story, where Paul Forrester, Jenny Hayden, and their son Scott reteam with SETI agent Mark Shermin to find the Starman's lost spaceship; "Reunion: The Men In Black Incident", part one of a multi-part PROJECT: U.F.O. story that finds Jake Gatlin and Harry Fitz searching for the real reason aliens may have been visiting Earth; part two of the multi-part original script-story "NightSpeak"; part three of "Voices Through The Gateway". Issue 54 Primary Story: Conclusion of "Voices Through The Gateway", where Diane and Harry race against time to save Dale's sanity while Dale battles the voices coming through his subconscious gateway that threaten to overwhelm him. Also: Universe guides to TWIN PEAKS and COUNTERSTRIKE; "The Savage She-Hulk", part one of a three-part SHE-HULK story that recreates the green-skinned Amazon's origins; conclusion of "Only Half The Man". Issue 55 Primary Story: "Night People: Night Of The Owl", part one of a multi-part original tale about a girl vampire in a small resort town and the unsuspecting family who comes there for a vacation. Also: "The Man Who Fell From The Sky", part one of a COUNTERSTRIKE story that sees familiar faces Monique Lamer and Nicole Beaumont resurface as the team undertakes a mission to save a friend of Alexander's from the malicious, malevolent Strand; fanzine reviews of SATELLITE LINK... and SECRETS OF TWIN PEAKS; part two of the three-part FRIDAY THE 13TH story "Down At The End Of Lonely Street"; part two of the three-part FRIDAY THE 13TH story "The Truth Behind The Mask"; part two of the three-part DARK SHADOWS story "Family Matters". Issue 57 SPECIAL FANTASTIC TELEVISION ISSUE! A salute to Sci-Fi/Fantasy Television begins with--would you believe--the return of Maxwell Smart as chief of CONTROL in "The Almost, Absolutely, Positively, Ultimate KAOS Kaper", part one of a new multi-part GET SMART story. Also: Peter, Gabrielle, and Stone must save a childhood friend of Peter's from an assassin at a Psychic Fair in the COUNTERSTRIKE story "The Fortuneteller"; the aftermath of Cooper's experience with the psychic-enhancing drug in "Voices Through The Gateway" (issues 51-54) begins to manifest itself as an investigation into vandalism at a construction site demands his full attention in part one of a two-part TWIN PEAKS tale, "So Much As A Nightmare"; "What's Your TV I.Q.?", a quiz for couch potatoes reprinted from COSMOPOLITAN magazine; fanzine reviews of PILOT NEWSLETTER, TIME TRAVELLER, and the ST:TNG-inspired script "Jean-Luc Junior". Issue 59 Primary Story: Part two of "The Man Who Fell From The Sky", where Peter and Nikki encounter the malevolent Strand while Stone and Monique attempt to find them both. Also: A review of MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000; part three of "A Serpent In Paradise"; conclusion of "So Much As A Nightmare". Issue 61 SPECIAL ALL-TWIN PEAKS ISSUE! POWER STAR celebrates TWIN PEAKS' third anniversary with this special issue centering around the offbeat Lynch/Frost series. Primary story: "MEANWHILE...", a complete-in-this-issue TWIN PEAKS tale that takes place four months after the Laura Palmer murder, as the town begins to return to normal--but not Sarah Palmer's life. Also: "The Rebirth Of Superman", D. Lynn Bivens' take on the possible resurrection of the DC Comics hero; a roundtable discussion between SECRETS OF TWIN PEAKS editor/publisher Doug Giffin and POWER STAR staffers Jerry Seward and Kimberly Murphy on TWIN PEAKS fiction; part one of two excerpts from a panel discussion at FANEX 6 featuring Russ Tamblyn (PEAKS' Dr. Jacoby); fanzine reviews of WRAPPED IN PLASTIC and FLASHBACK. Issue 63 A salute to famous detectives! Primary story: "Night Of The Shylock", a complete-in-this-issue Sherlock Holmes/WILD WILD WEST story in which the young Holmes travels to the American West with a theatrical troupe and runs across James West and Artemus Gordon, who help him solve a blackmail case. Also: BATMAN returns in two stories, trying to find a serial killer dubbed "The Mad Hatter" in part one of a multi-part story, "The Tea Party", then racing against time to rescue Alexander Knox and Gotham City from the Joker's deadly positron plastique in the conclusion of "You Can't Keep A Good Joker Down"; Agent Cooper ponders the mysteries of a coffee vending machine prior to his arrival in TWIN PEAKS in the short-short "Tapes Withheld, #1", then teams with his twin sister Diane to find a killer with an affinity for mixed-gender twins in part one of a four-part script-story, "Yin And Yang"; a press biography of BEYOND REALITY's Carl Marotte (Dr. J.J. Stillman). Issue 65 FRIDAY THE 13TH Festival! Primary stories: Two FRIDAY THE 13TH stories, starting with Ryan and Jack fighting to save Micki from a haunted house in the conclusion of "Down At The End Of Lonely Street" and then from Jason himself in the conclusion of "The Truth Behind The Mask". Also: Agent Cooper oversleeps prior to his arrival in TWIN PEAKS and describes the experience to Diane in the second "Tapes Withheld"; a movie review of JURASSIC PARK; part two of "Yin And Yang". Issue 66 Fantastic Television Festival! Our annual salute to TV begins with part one of a multi-part SPACE: 1999 script-story that finds Koenig questioning the reason for their strange adventures, "The Devil's Sweets". Also: Sam Beckett leaps into a mental patient whose wife is conspiring to steal his land in the complete-in-this-issue QUANTUM LEAP story "Pardon My Insanity"; a SPACE: 1999 "tech sheet" on Alpha as the "Hub Of Our Solar System: Lunar Transportation Node"; TWIN PEAKS' Agent Cooper tangles with a cantankerous stapler in the third "Tapes Withheld"; a FLASH filksong, "You Won't See Him"; FLASHBACK editor/publisher Steve Beverly reviews the Golden Age sci-fi classic series SCIENCE FICTION THEATER; part two of "Comes The Cheetah"; part three of "Yin And Yang". Issue 70 HAPPY NEW YEAR! Primary story: Sam Beckett leaps into an Air Force officer investigating U.F.O.s in the complete-in-this-issue QUANTUM LEAP story "Space Case". Also: J. Calvin Smith's one-shot STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION comic "Some Days It Just Don't Pay"; book review of A TWIN PEAKS INTERPRETATION; conclusion of "Yin And Yang". POWER STAR Past Stories (Cross-Referenced By "Universe") (* = Still In Progress) TWIN PEAKS "Beware Of A Fool's Mate": 35 "Two-Pronged Attack": 39 COOP Party Reports: 41 "Bridge Between Worlds": 42, 43 "To Dale And Diane": 42 "Two Souls": 44, 45, 46, 48, 49 "The Saga Of Dale And Diane": Yearbook TWIN PEAKS European Pilot Video Review: 50 "Voices Through The Gateway": 51, 52, 53, 54 TWIN PEAKS: FIRE WALK WITH ME Movie Review: 53 Universe Guide: 54 "So Much As A Nightmare": 57, 59 TWIN PEAKS Fiction Roundtable: 61 Russ Tamblyn Interview *: 61 "MEANWHILE...": 61 "Tapes Withheld": 63, 65, 66 "Yin And Yang": 63, 65, 66, 70 Tapes Withheld, #4 A TWIN PEAKS Short-Short By L. Grey [AUTHOR'S NOTE: If you've ever read THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF F.B.I. SPECIAL AGENT DALE COOPER: MY LIFE, MY TAPES, you know there are two sections in the book where the F.B.I. "withheld" several of Cooper's tapes because they pertained to either an unsolved case or were made during the years he worked the Counterintelligence beat. I speculate that not every tape made during those gaps related to case notes; after all, in the series, we saw Cooper dictate to Diane about the most mundane things. This, then, is another attempt to fill in the non-case sensitive blanks in the missing tape sequence, and we pick up the action as Cooper attempts to deal with the intricasies of modern buildings, with their sealed windows and "regulated" climate control....] May 18, 1977, 2:40 p.m. Diane, never let anyone tell you architects have no sense of humor. They do, and the new Federal building we recently moved into proof of it--it's one very large, very expensive joke. For the past two weeks the temperature here has swung back and forth between freezing and sweltering. Clearly there is something seriously wrong with the climate control. My own personal theory--which, as you know, Diane, is neither admissable in a court of law nor appropriate for a criminal investigation--is that it is manic-depressive and should be given a large dose of lithium. Practically every person here has his own thermometer to keep track of the temperature, because the thermometer to keep track of the temperature, because the thermostats conveniently show only what the temperature is set for, not what the actual temperature is. Every morning we check our personal thermometer and spread the word on the office phone lines. We have discovered that the average temperature of the building at 0800 is 67 degrees--not comfortable, but not unbearable. The thermostats, however, are set at 75 degrees. As the day progresses, the temperature drops, becoming more and more unbearable. Virtually everyone here has a sweater to put on under their black suitcoats, several female agents and secretaries have blankets to throw over their skirted legs while at their desks, and space heaters are becoming popular items. By mid-afternoon, we're down to a blistering 52 degrees. By the mass exodus from the building at 1700, the building has usually warmed up to close to 60. It actually feels like a heatwave. When I stayed late last night to finish my paperwork on the Jenkins case, I observed a bizarre phenomenon: As the evening wore on, the temperature rose until by 2:00 this morning it was an unbelievable 94 degrees in my office. The building's thermostat was still set for 75. All of this is made even more intolerable by the fact that we are having the most beautiful Pennsylvania springtime that I can ever remember experiencing. The highs have ranged in the mid-seventies, the lows in the low sixties. If we could just open the windows here, everything would be fine. I've been told that the engineers will be in to see if there is anything the matter with the climate control-- they are, of course, quite sure that nothing is. More after their visit. May 25, 5:02 p.m. The engineers just left. I spent a good deal of time escorting them through my department and to other departments, explaining the problems we've been having. It was an exercise in futility. After a week's study these experts have come to the conclusion that the windows are causing the problem. Apparently, according to these experts, they let in too much sunlight, making the building uncomfortably warm. I told them that the only time the building is uncomfortably warm is late at night, when the sun is not shining. They looked at me with the same sort of contempt I saw in the face of the mechanic to whom I was trying to explain the noise my car was making. Finally they decided that the problem is that the climate control is "overcompensating". I asked what the climate control was overcompensating for, since the weather has been so wonderful outside, but never received an answer. But since they decided that something is indeed wrong, they will be sending in a repair crew just as soon as possible. I'm not holding my breath. June 8, 3:10 p.m. Well, Diane, the hot/cold problems in this building have indeed been solved--for the last week, the temperature has been a constant 74 degrees. However, in fixing that problem, the repairmen have apparently created a new problem. Have you ever noticed, Diane, how often that happens in life? Water is dripping down the wall of my office. The humidity level is 92 percent. The papers in my file folders are mildewing and beginning to smell, my paper clips and staples are rusting, and the ink in my ball point pens is globbing up. All of this I could take in stride, though the smell of Lysol is beginning to make me ill. What I am having real trouble with are my suits. Diane, I believe that there is nothing in this life as solid and dependable as a well-made wool suit. Lightweight wool is perfect for summer; it is not, however, perfect for the kind of tropical rain forest I now work in. By lunchtime I smell like a wet sheep. People avoid me in the halls--and I can't say I blame them. I'd avoid me, if I could. No one will have lunch with me, and Chet Desmond told me that if I kept him in an interrogation room for an hour, he'd confess to the Lindbergh kidnapping, the escape from Alcatraz, and the disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa. I tried putting on extra aftershave this morning, but I just ended up smelling like a wet sheep wearing sandalwood aftershave. And my sinuses hurt. Diane, I'm going home, where it's dry, and I can open a window and smell the fresh, clean air. A Musical Guide To TWIN PEAKS For The Very Young Filksongs By J. Calvin Smith Wait a minute, Kim. What is it, Calvin? These are not, I repeat, NOT filksongs. They're not? They certainly read like filksongs. No, they're not filksongs. They are, in fact, rewritten nursery rhymes... Filksongs. ...which I plan to use to teach my two-year-old daughter Susan Rose about TWIN PEAKS. They're satiristic songs about fandom... otherwise known as filksongs. No, these are much too silly to be filksongs. I'll be the judge of that. After all, I'm the editor. All right. Here's one: (To the tune of "The Alphabet Song") A, B, C, D, E, F, G. There's a big owl sitting in the tree. "Hoot!" he says while moonlight beams. He is not quite what he seems. Now I've sung about the owl. (Help! I'm being attacked by fowl!) Well, now that one wasn't so silly. Susan might like that one. O.K., well, here's another one: (To the tune of "This Old Man") This old man, Windom Earle, He just wants to kill the girl... Steal her from the pageant, Throw her in the truck, Take her to the Lodge for BOB to... Well, maybe that one's not so good for my daughter. I would think not. O.K., O.K. Here's one: (To the tune of "London Bridge") Bobby Briggs is one big clown, One big clown, One big clown, Bobby Briggs is one big clown, Loves those ladies. Shelly Johnson's Bobby's girl, Bobby's girl, Bobby's girl, Leo Johnson treats her bad, She's no lady. Well, now, that one's clever. Glad you liked it. Here's a couple more: (To the tune of "Ring Around The Roses")(To the tune of "Hickory Dickory Dock") Ring around the pinky, Hickory, Dickory, Die. Jar of oil that's stinky, You ate some cherry pie. White Lodge, Black Lodge, You gulped a pit. (Hank poisoned it.) ALL FALL DOWNNNNNNNN...! Hickory, Dickory, Die. Little gruesome, don't you think? So was the series. Let's try this one: (To the tune of "Buckle My Shoe") One, two, fingernail clue. Three, four, BOB loves gore. Five, six, Josie's tricks. Seven, eight, critics' hate. Nine, ten, on sabbatical again. Very appropriate. But this thing needs a big finish. And I've got just the thing: (To the tune of "Yankee Doodle") Laura Palmer, wrapped in plastic, Washed up on the lake, Pete called Sheriff Truman in, And Andy's heart did break. (Chorus) Laura Palmer, who killed you? Who was in the cabin, Who wrote "Fire Walk With Me" And gave you such a stabbin'? Jacques Renault and Leo Johnson, Did they do it? Maybe. Stuck a poker chip in her mouth, Said, "Bite the bullet, baby!" (repeat chorus) Waldo's saying, "Hurting me!" While Agent Cooper's baffled. He and Harry bring in Ben While Ghostwood plans get raffled. (repeat chorus) Giants speak and midgets dance And Cooper's getting calmer. Finally the case is solved, But dead: One Leland Palmer. (repeat chorus) You were right. These are too silly to be filksongs. See, I told you. So, what are you going to do with them? Oh, I don't know. I might just run them anyway. You never know what will turn up in POWER STAR. Yeah, right. If these ever turn up, I'll absolutely die. I'll keep that in mind... Russ Tamblyn: A Conversation Transcribed By Kimberly Murphy C O N C L U S I O N [The following is the conclusion of a panel discussion from FANEX 6, the Baltimore Fantasy And Horror Film Society's 1992 convention. The panel was moderated by director/producer Fred Olen Ray (HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS) and featured questions from the audience. Because of the nature of the conversation, all questions are non-attributional. In the first half of this two-day panel, Russ discussed meeting David Lynch and how he got cast as Dr. Jacoby in TWIN PEAKS, his career as a dancer in musicals such as SEVEN BRIDES FOR SEVEN BROTHERS and WEST SIDE STORY, modern artwork, and working on the horror film THE HAUNTING while staying in a haunted English mansion. In this part, Russ discusses more of his experience with David Lynch, being a child star, and life in Hollywood....] "You said yesterday that your first movie was THE BOY WITH GREEN HAIR, with Dean Stockwell. But how did you get your start?" Well, I started out the way most young child star wannabees started out and joined the Screen Childrens' Actors Guild. But oddly enough, the Screen Childrens' Actors Guild sent me out for a play called STONE JUNGLE, when I was about nine. It was the first professional thing I did, at a theater in Hollywood. Lloyd Bridges--the actor--directed it. We did it for three days to try and raise money so we could do it longer. But during that three days, a talent scout saw it and a bunch of other people saw it, including Joseph Lose, who directed THE BOY WITH GREEN HAIR, and I went over to see about that production. Also a talent scout from Paramount came over to see it, and I got an audition with Cecil B. DeMille. And that was the first big audition sort of thing I did. That was sort of interesting because it was a room kind of like this one, but at the far end there was this big one-way mirror. I did this scene with an actor who was a Paramount contract actor by the name of Richard Webb, who eventually did a thing called CAPTAIN MIDNIGHT. He played Samson, and the testing was a live test, where you had to go in and memorize a line and do this scene with Samson. We did the scene, and as soon as we finished the scene, the doors opened and in came Cecil B. DeMille and four or five other people, and he said, "Well, my boy, you've got the part. We start in four months." So I went back to the play STONE JUNGLE again, because we'd managed to get enough money to continue to do the play, so I went back for another eight weeks or so. This time, around, Lloyd Bridges didn't direct it-- Norman Lloyd did, who's also been around a lot and worked with Orson Welles' theatre group. At one point during the later run, Lloyd Bridges came in and just grabbed Norman Lloyd--I guess he was mad that they didn't let him direct the second run. Norman had produced it the whole way and gotten the money together for the second time, so he had decided to direct it himself. As soon as the second run finished, I went to do my first movie, which was THE BOY WITH GREEN HAIR, and I just played one of the background kids. Then I went and did SAMSON AND DELILAH, which I was on for about six months or so, and that was quite an experience, because I was only 12 years old. I remember a great story you might appreciate...I lived in North Hollywood and I used to take a street car to Paramount. See, not only was I working on the movie, I was also going to school there; there was a schoolhouse in the back of the lot. I used to take the streetcar down this one boulevard, and where you got off the streetcar there was this cemetery and this long wall, and at the back of the cemetery was the backside of Paramount. But in order to get there, you had to keep walking along the sidewalk about a half a mile to the main gates, which was on another boulevard, then go in and walk all the way back to the back of the lot, which was where the schoolhouse was. And it took about eight or nine months to do the movie, and I wasn't working all the time, so I was going to school almost everyday. But I found out a way to get in without going through all that: I would get off the streetcar, climb up on the wall that ran along this cemetery, then walk on top of it to the back of the Paramount lot, then jump off--well, not really jump, but kind of hang down and drop, since it was about fifteen feet. "(Much laughter from audience) Brave man." Yeah, well, anyway, one day I got off the streetcar and walked on top of the wall and headed for the back wall of Paramount, and when I got to the back wall, I saw they were shooting a scene of some kind right there, so I had to crawl along the wall and kind of sneaked along until I could find a place to drop down. And I dropped down right next to some guy sitting in a chair, and I scared the Hell out of him. And I looked up and it was Alan Ladd. He'd been studying his script, and he shouted, "God, don't ever do that again, son! You scared the Hell out of me!" So that was my introduction to Alan Ladd. I said, "Are you Alan Ladd?" He said yes, so I stood up and held out my hand and said (looks down slightly), "Glad to meet you." Of course, he was standing up at the time. (laughs) Anyway, I worked on SAMSON AND DELILAH for a while, and it was quite an experience. I used to go and visit other sets a lot. I remember Elizabeth Scott was working on a movie at the time, and I went over to meet her, and I still have autographed pictures of her. She wrote on there, "To my favorite beau," because she thought I was really cute. I had curly hair and all that. And we'd have break time, and somebody told me one time, "You've got to go over to this set, on stage 15, and there's two guys over there who are new and who'll just crack you up." And so I did, and it was Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis, who were making MY FRIEND MYRNA at the same time. And they were just hysterical. Jerry Lewis just had everybody in hysterics, for the whole time I was there. There was just this loud laughter coming from this set, and between the two of them, it never stopped. In fact, they had a hard time getting them to shoot a scene, you know, because Jerry Lewis would do things like light up a cigarette and not know where to put the ashes, so he'd unzip Dean Martin's fly. It was just constant antics like that, one after the other. No wonder they didn't last--maybe a hot ash one time hit the wrong place or something. "(More audience laughter) The mystery solved, at last." Really. Well, anyway, from that movie--SAMSON AND DELILAH--I got an agent, and started doing more movies. I probably averaged two movies a year in my late childhood. "Any stories about the movie GUN CRAZY?" Oh, yeah. I went in and saw Joseph Lewis, and we became pretty good friends. I used to go and have dinner at his house and became very good friends with him. He had a daughter named Sandy, and we used to pal around together--not boyfriend/girlfriend, but we were just friends. Anyway, he had a house in Beverly Hills, and it was right next door to Judy Garland's. I remember one night Sandy and I were punchy, and we were both into Al Jolson, and we used to put this music on and imitate this album. One night we heard this screaming noise, and there was this fight going on over there at Judy Garland's house and it was just unreal. There was one night Sandy told me about, and I wasn't there for it, where Judy apparently lit a fire in the bedroom and the fire department had to come put it out. It was really quite dramatic. But anyway, when I met him, I did that movie and I just loved it, but I think they eventually changed the title to DEADLY IS THE FEMALE. Why, I don't know, because I think GUN CRAZY is a great title. But I guess the producer didn't think so. "Who did you play?" I played John Dahl as a boy, basically as a kid who loved guns. I think it started off where we'd all go out into the woods... "It was raining, as I recall." Yeah, that was my first introduction to a set with fake rain. I was standing out there and getting wet and looking at this guy standing in this building and I get to throw a brick through the window at him. Then the next scene was in the woods shooting guns, and then I had a scene in juvenile court, where my defense lawyer is trying to explain that I'm not a bad kid, but I just love guns. It's one of the stories we tell in flashback. But one of the kids tells it, one of my friends, and he says, "I remember him one time when we went into the woods...," and we had this mountain thing and the three of us go in and suddenly we see something--a bird, or something like that--and I shoot it, and I feel just awful, and I go up to it, and so my friend says in flashback, "I know he'd never do anything awful, he just loves guns." But they give him ten years anyway or something like that--real sympathetic judge (laughs)--and I go to prison and come out as John Dahl. It was really a wonderfully-done movie. There was a scene in there that I think was a first: A scene where they rob a bank and the director put the camera in the back of the car. And it was really great, because you could see them talking, and every time the car'd hit a bump, the camera would move, and you really got the feeling you were in this car with them. It was so well done. There was another scene Joseph told me about at dinner one night...he told me about John Dahl and Peggy Cummings and their one really big love scene, this really passionate love scene they had to do. It was really late into the movie, after they'd been together for a long time. She was a circus performer, and he joined her with the guns and things, and finally she talks him into going and robbing banks--that's what happens; he's really a nice guy. Joseph told me this story that when he introduced the two of them, and the first day that they shot, he wanted to shoot this love scene, and they were furious because they'd only just met. And Joseph said, "Yeah, but that's what I want; I want that kind of firstness, like when you've just met." And it was a beautiful love scene; you could almost see the quivering as they went to kiss. It was a good movie, one of the movies that I really loved. I ended up working with Alan Ladd again, in a movie called AFTER MIDNIGHT, and it was also called CAPTAIN CAREY U.S.A.; it had two titles. "Was he still looking up to you?" Actually, he looked a lot bigger, but then I noticed he was walking around on boxes. Really, he did a lot of scenes where he walks around on boxes. But he also worked with really short women most of the time. He worked with Wanda Hendricks, who was only about that high (measures to chin). He really was a short little guy. But he had that look about him where he was perfectly built, so that when they put him on screen, he looked really big. I remember he worked with Sophia Loren, but he really walked around on boxes the whole time. "Do you remember anything about Mamie Van Doren [High School Confidential]?" Now that was a big woman! (laughs) Let's see, what story can I tell about her? "Wonder why they don't name kids `Mamie' anymore?" Yeah, I know. There was Mamie Eisenhower and Mamie Van Doren, but that was it. "You told us previously about working with Lon Chaney, Jr., in DRACULA VERSUS FRANKENSTEIN, and that he was drunk all the time. Do you have any other memories of working with him?" No, I don't have too many impressions of working with him because I didn't talk to him at all outside of the scene we did together. As I recall, he was underneath the pier and was an axe murderer... "In DRACULA VERSUS FRANKENSTEIN?" Well, I never saw any of those movies. Where did I work with him? "I know you were both in the movie together, but I don't think you had any scenes with him. It looks like they took footage from another movie and cut it in." But wasn't he the monster, though? I remember a scene we shot underneath a pier. It was just one night, and I came down and did my scene. And I'd been in the business a while at that time, and I was professional, and I just wanted to get the thing done, and I remember having all this impatience because he was drunk and they had to sort of hold him up and get him through the scene. I remember thinking at the time how sad it was. I'd always loved him and thought that he'd done some of my favorite movies. But I don't have anything else to say about him. "Which of the many directors you've worked with do you respect the most--and why?" Hard question to answer. Probably David Lynch [TWIN PEAKS, in which Russ played Dr. Jacoby], because he's a real actor's director. He's really patient, he gets in right there with you and makes it make sense. He gives you some freedom. I really liked working with David Lynch a lot. I didn't really like working with DeMille. I did for a while, but DeMille did something to me that really affected me a lot when I was a kid. We were doing a scene in the temple, and I had to run up to Samson and say, "Samson, it's me, Saul," and Samson's a blind man, and they brought him out into the middle of the temple all tied up, and I ran up to him and said, "I've got my slingshot on my head, and we can fight our way out of this," and he said, "No, Saul, you get as far away from here as possible." And so we were doing this scene in the middle of this special stage they'd built--they took two stages and knocked a wall out between them--and it was just this gigantic stage with thousands of extras, which was the way DeMille loved to work. Cecil B. DeMille was fascinating; he had two guys who were with him all the time. One guy held a microphone in front of him all the time, and whenever DeMille would speak, this guy would hold up the microphone so DeMille wouldn't have to hold it. The other guy walked behind him with a chair, and he had to stay right behind him because DeMille would just walk around until he couldn't walk anymore and would just sit down, and that chair better be there when he did. I often thought, what if this guy's looking the other way? But it never happened; that chair was always there. I thought that was pretty interesting. Where was I? Oh, yeah, what he did to me as a kid. Anyway, the cameras were where you are, and the first time we did this, I came running in and I grabbed Samson (demonstrates using Fred Olen Ray, right hand in front of Ray's face) and said, "Samson! I've got my slingshot on my head, and we can fight our way out of here!" And DeMille came over to me and said, "Use your other hand because the camera's over here and you're blocking his face." And I said, "Oh, O.K.", so they had to set it up again and discuss the setup again, and I'm trying to remember my lines, so when they yell "Action" again, I ran in and did the same thing again. DeMille said, "Cut! Cut!" and then came over to me--and remember, he's got this microphone in front of his face--and he grabbed my arm and said, "If you want to you this arm, use it here (puts hand on Ray's shoulder)! Not here (arm in front of Ray's face)! Here! Not here!" And here I am, this twelve-year-old kid, and it scared the Hell out of me, plus the fact that he was yelling all this through this loudspeaker so that 2,000 extras could hear it, and then he said, "All right, let's do it again!" And I walked away, humiliated, and fighting back tears. It was a terrible experience, the kind of child abuse a lot of child actors have gone through. A lot of them have gone through a lot worse things. One child actress told me that one time, right before she was going to do a really sad scene, the director told her that her dog had just died. And after the scene was over, he said, "Just kidding!" "Do you have a David Lynch story to match your Cecil B. DeMille story?" It'd be hard to match that. Lynch is very different from his movies. His movies are so dark, and he's just so light. "What was the origin of Jacoby's double-sided glasses [red/blue 3-D glasses]?" Well, the way that came about was that I live in Santa Monica, California, right near Venice Beach, California, and along the walkway there's like eight billion pairs of sunglasses available for sale. So I wanted to find myself something for Dr. Jacoby, who was kind of far out, so I was looking for some really interesting sunglasses. I went down there and was looking at all the sunglasses--regular sunglasses, ones with Hawaiian rims, colored glasses--and I finally decided I really liked the idea of colored glasses on this guy. I really liked the red, and I really liked the blue. It didn't even dawn on me that was I was looking at the 3-D color scheme--I just came across a red pair and a blue pair and couldn't make up my mind what I wanted. I was looking in the mirror and I'd try on one pair, then try on the other, and I'd say, "Wow, the red's cool," then I'd put on the blue one and say, "The blue's cool," and I kept going back and forth until I finally got this idea to put a red pair against one eye and a blue pair against the other. And I was looking in the mirror...God, wonder what the people walking by thought? But I kept looking at one side, then the other, hoping for some kind of quick reaction, hoping something would come to me. And, by God, it did! (laughs) I just stood there and looked at my face straight on and went, "Boing! That's it!" I was so excited that I immediately took the glasses down because I was afraid that somebody would see what I'd discovered and the market would suddenly be flooded with red and blue glasses. But I was absolutely thrilled; I was so thrilled that I went to a place--I wear prescription glasses--and I went to a place and had a prescription pair made up just like that. And then, oddly enough, my wife Bonnie had an article on the sides of the brain and how colors influence them. And luckily I'd picked the right side to wear the red on--the red's on the right, but the brain is bicameral, so the left side of the brain affects the right side of the body, and red is supposed to have a positive influence over the left brain. So I went in to see David Lynch, because I knew he was just going to love this, and I told him about these glasses. I told him, "Well, David, I've got these glasses that I want to wear because I'm playing a psychiatrist, and I figure that Dr. Jacoby is aware that the brain has two sides. One side is an academic side, that just deals with facts and has no emotions or feelings, and the other side is the creative side that deals with all the emotions. So, the left side of the brain--the academic side--has no emotions, so I would wear this red lens which would add passion to an otherwise dull side of the brain. And the right side of the brain--the emotional side--I'd wear blue on to sort of cool it down a little." I called it "brain balancing". And Lynch said, "I love it--that is absolutely fantastic. That's a swell idea, Russ. The only thing I'm going to do..." And I said, "And we can have somebody ask me about it in an episode and I can explain it, if I can find a shorter way to do it..." He said, "No, I like the long explanation; it's a swell explanation, but I'd rather have you just wear the glasses and not tell anybody why you're wearing them. As long as we know, that's all that matters." (room laughs hysterically) And that's what happened. And I never got to explain it, except that everyone in the world asked me and I said, "Sorry, can't tell you." And I didn't until after the series was over. I always wanted to write David a letter and say, "See? We should have explained the glasses." One of the scenes that I suggested for TWIN PEAKS was that crying Andy, the cop, was going to come to see me in my office. And he was always clumsy and klutzy, and he was going to sit on the desk on my glasses and smash them. And I was just going to open my desk drawer to reveal a whole drawer full of them. Would have been a great scene, but it never got in there. Great scenes that never made it...there were a lot like that. "Any more great old Hollywood stories?" I made a lot of interesting films. I was in FATHER OF THE BRIDE, where I played the son of Joan Bennett, then I played the son of Constance Bennett in WILL YOU LOVE ME IN DECEMBER, one of Marilyn Monroe's first movies. I remember seeing her on the set and saying, "Wow--who's that blonde?" She was just a little starlet, playing a small part--a secretary. I think it was called WILL YOU LOVE ME IN DECEMBER--did it have another name?--but in that movie I played Constance Bennett's son, so I have the distinct honor of being my own first cousin. When I was fourteen, I was in a movie called THE KID FROM CLEVELAND, which was my first title role. It was also the first time I'd ever left California. I was born in California, and the first time I ever left there I flew to Cleveland. It only took ten hours. It was lots of fun. I worked with the Cleveland Indians baseball team. I didn't know who they were at the time, but later on I found out who Bob Feller was, and Satchel Paige, and all the rest. "Got a Seven Brides For Seven Brothers story?" Oh, yeah. But before I tell it...when I was doing FATHER OF THE BRIDE and PUBLISHER'S DIVIDEND, I went to school there for the whole season. I was in school with Dean Stockwell and Elizabeth Taylor and Claude Jarman, Jr., who was in THE YEARLING. And Dean and I became real close buddies, real good friends. We're still close friends. We lived together for a while after both of us separated from our wives in the late `70s. But one of the things Dean and I used to do during lunch--I didn't have a locker there, because I was just doing FATHER OF THE BRIDE, but Dean was under contract, so he had this dressing room which was up above the rehearsal hall--and we used to go up there and wrestle. And we were wrestling all over, having these fake fights in the room, slamming on the couches, jumping all over the place, and just having a heck of a good time laughing and rolling around on the floor when all of a sudden there was this knock on the door. And Dean says, "Uh-oh," and goes over and opens the door, and it's Gene Kelly. And Kelly, says, "Hi, Dean," because he knew him from some movies they did together, and then says, "Listen, my dressing room's right below you and I've been dancing all morning. Would you guys mind?" And Gene Kelly had just been my absolute hero, and that was my first meeting with Gene Kelly. So when we were doing SEVEN BRIDES FOR SEVEN BROTHERS, we had just finished rehearsing for about five or six days, and Michael Kidd had just finished choreographing the number, and it was finally all set, and he brings Gene Kelly onto the set. And he says, "Guys, I'd like you to meet Gene Kelly. What do you say we do the number for Gene from the top?" Of course, everybody said, "Oh, yeah," and we ran through it from top to bottom. And when we got to the end of it--and they do the soundtrack first, you know, so you do it right to the soundtrack of the music--Gene Kelly clapped and said, "Well, fellows, there's nothing left for you to do except cut yourselves and bleed." I'll never forget that remark. That was a great thrill for me, meeting Gene Kelly. The only bigger thrill than meeting Gene Kelly was at a special premiere of WEST SIDE STORY in L.A. at an invitation-only showing. They had this huge audience, but it was invitation only, and they just had everybody who was anybody there at this theater. There were over 300 of Hollywood's most elite there. And when the film finished, the lights came on, and I started up the aisle. And people were saying, "Great job, Russ," and all that sort of stuff. And finally, somebody was tugging on my shoulder, and I turned around--and it was Fred Astaire. Fred Astaire! And I can't tell you what a thrill that was, and he said to me, "Gosh, Russ, I'm such a fan of your dancing! You're such a wonderful dancer!" And he just went on with this flattery about what a great dancer I was and how thrilled he was to watch me dance. That was a great moment, but it was one of those moments where I just stood there and went, "Duh, duh...gosh, Fred..." Just a fantastic thrill. T H E E N D Boys' Night Out A Twin Peaks Short Story By Kimberly Murphy It's July 1989, and F.B.I. Special Agent Dale Cooper and his intended, Audrey Horne, are busily planning their September wedding, while his twin sister Diane Cooper-Wilkins and her intended, Sheriff Harry S. Truman, have just begun planning their October nuptials. But Ben Horne is having his own headaches over wedding plans and costs and desperately needs a night of decadence and fun...a boys' night out. Welcome to Twin Peaks...the POWER STAR universe, where the storyline has progressed beyond the end of the Lynch/Frost series, rescuing Dale from the clutches of BOB at the end of the series, bringing the mysterious Diane to town as Dale's fraternal twin sister (fifteen minutes younger), and building the budding romance between Dale and Audrey. A cast list for this story is below. Casting and characters of my own creation are marked with an asterisk. * * * * * * * * Kyle MacLachlan. . . . . . . . F.B.I. Special Agent Dale Bartholomew Cooper Michael Ontkean. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Sheriff Harry S. Truman Susan Anton (*). . . . . . . .F.B.I. Special Agent Diana Lee Cooper-Wilkins Sherilyn Fenn. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Audrey Horne Richard Beymer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Benjamin Jonathan Horne, Jr. Victoria Caitlin . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Blackie "Black Rose" O'Reilly Cyrielle Claire (*). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Chantal Harry Goaz . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Deputy Andy Brennan Galyn Gorg . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nancy O'Reilly Michael Horse. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Deputy Tommy "Hawk" Hill David Patrick Kelly. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jeremy "Jerry" Horne Everett McGill . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ."Big" Ed Hurley Michael Parks. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jean Renault Brett Vadset . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Joey Paulson Boys' Night Out A Twin Peaks Short Story By Kimberly Murphy "Audrey!" The angry shout coming from Benjamin Horne's office at The Great Northern hotel told Audrey Horne that her father had just gotten the latest bill for her upcoming wedding to F.B.I. Special Agent Dale Cooper. And obviously, it disturbed him. Audrey replaced the plate that covered the peephole in the utility access tunnel that allowed her to spy on her father's activities and quickly headed back out to the hallway before her father came out to find her. She just made it. "There you are, young lady!" Benjamin said as he spotted her at the far end of the hallway. "Hello, Daddy," she said sweetly. "Is something wrong?" "Is something wrong?" Benjamin held up a slip of paper and shook it at her. "Have you seen this bill?" "Why, no, Daddy. What is it?" Benjamin tried to compose himself. "It is the bill for your wedding dress. And it has four figures!" Audrey looked thoughtful. "Oh, that must be a mistake. I know the dress cost over $100." Benjamin knew she was just trying to be coy. And it irritated the Hell out of him. "Four figures before the decimal place. What are you trying to do--bankrupt me?" "Now, Daddy. You were the one who said, `If you're going to marry that Fed, you'd better do it right'. So..." "We are not the Rockefellers." "No, but we are the local equivalent. And you wouldn't want any talk about how Ben Horne was so cheap that his daughter got married in a flour sack, would you?" Benjamin steamed. He hated it when she was right. "Of course not. But still...$1100 dollars for a dress...isn't there something between `flour sack' and $1100?" Audrey looked at her watch. "Oops. Gotta run. Cooking lessons tonight. You're a doll, Daddy." She stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek, then hurried away as fast as she could before he could recover his composure. It was his brother Jerry who would be the one to encounter the wrath of Ben, who was now kicking the wall and swearing at the hotel artwork on the wall outside his office. "I've always felt that way about this paneling," Jerry quipped. "Maybe we could replace it with some French wallpaper. And I went to the most spectacular art show in Paris last week..." "Jerry," Ben interrupted, "if you mention one word about spending money, I will make you part of the paneling." "Sorry," Jerry said, backing off. "What's gotten into you?" He handed Jerry the bill. "My daughter. And she's gotten into my wallet and made off with every dime in it." Jerry read the bill. "$1100 for a dress? Does a woman come with it?" Ben stopped pacing the halls angrily for a moment and looked inspired. "Jerry, you are brilliant." "Of course." He looked at his brother. "What fit of genius did I have this time?" Ben smiled craftily. "You know, it's been a month since Jack's reopened...and neither of us have had the time to check out the scenery. I know I haven't been back since Cooper got rid of that eyesore Jean Renault for us. And I hear Canada is beautiful this time of year." Jerry looked almost dreamy. "Yeah. I just love mountains and full moons." Ben patted Jerry on the shoulder. "Jerry, my boy...I think we need a break. I think we need a boys' night out." F.B.I. Special Agent Diane Cooper-Wilkins started to pull her Dodge Caravan into the driveway of her townhouse on the outskirts of Twin Peaks, only to find a blue Mercedes-Benz already occupying it. She parked on the street and shut off her engine. "Cooking student Audrey Horne reporting for duty, ma'am," Audrey said, giving Diane a quick salute. Diane looked at her watch. "Am I late?" she asked. "No, I'm early. Daddy was having one of his royal fits about the cost of the wedding." "Another rave about you being his little princess, not Princess Di?" "Something like that. Have you already dropped your Siamese twin off?" Diane unlocked the sliding side door of her van and opened it. "We're not Siamese twins. Dale and I are just joined at the hip, not anywhere else. And besides, Siamese twins are identical, not fraternal." "Well, you two are a lot alike..." "Not that much. Anyway, we went into work separately this morning. He was in a meeting with the big bosses when I left." "Oh. Then he'll probably won't want to talk to me later." "Why?" Audrey smiled. "If he's talking to the upper management, HE'S PROBABLY SHOUTING AT GORDON!" Diane laughed. "True. He still wants to try and hire Shelly Johnson as Gordon's interpreter. Says every time he tells the story of how Gordon could hear her plainly for two days in the Double-R, everybody offers to contribute to her salary if she'll just hire on with us." She gestured to the interior of the car. "Give me a hand here?" "Sure." Audrey walked down to the van, where Diane handed her a plastic grocery bag. "What is this?" "Tonight's cooking lesson." "You're not going to tell me?" "You're the one who likes playing detective." "Liked. Past tense. I got my fill of that at One Eyed Jack's." "So I suppose that means you've filled in that little peephole in your father's office?" Audrey giggled as they headed up the driveway, each carrying a bag of groceries. "So, where's Harry tonight?" "Something about a Book House Boys meeting." Audrey rolled her eyes. "Sure it's a meeting. Probably just some excuse for him to get together with his buddies and do `manly' things." Diane shook her head as she opened the door to the townhouse. "That sounds like something your father would do. I'm sure Harry has something something more important in mind." F.B.I. Special Agent Dale Cooper pulled into the parking lot behind the Book House. Ever since Albert Rosenfield had pointed out that it was rather obvious to have a secret society park in front of their meeting place, they'd all taken great pains to make sure their cars were out of sight. Thus, the new rear lot. The black-suited Fed climbed out of his car and headed inside, pulling his microcassette tape recorder out of his pocket as he did. "Diane...7:30 p.m., Book House," he dictated. "What a day. Meetings with Gordon, an increasing case load, and wedding plans...if I survive past September, I will have a new appreciation for the resiliancy of the human spirit." He clicked off the tape recorder and put it back in his suit pocket, then opened the door and headed into the dark room--quite a contrast from the July early evening, which was still bright even at 7:30 p.m. "Hi, fellows," he greeted to the men he knew were there but could not yet see. "Sorry I'm late." "Meeting with Gordon?" Sheriff Harry S. Truman called back. Dale raised an eyebrow. "How can you tell?" "Your voice is a little hoarse." Dale laughed slightly. "Harry, I believe some of my techniques are starting to rub off on you." He headed to the back of the room, where a single light illuminated a round table. Sitting around the table were Ed Hurley, Joey Paulson, and Deputies Andy Brennan and Tommy "Hawk" Hill. In one corner was a tall urn filled with coffee that Dale could smell. Next to it was a tray of donuts. One empty chair remained, the one directly across from Harry. Dale greeted everybody all around, then took a seat and took off his suitcoat. "Everybody looks very serious," he asked. "What's up?" Harry leaned across the table. "Cooper, I think it's time you were initiated into one of the Book House Boys' most special rituals." Dale sat up very straight. "I'm ready." "Good." Harry took an elegant wooden box off a shelf behind him and set it in the middle of the table. "Raise your right hand and repeat after me." Dale raised his right hand. Harry held up his right hand. "I, Dale Cooper...," he began. "I, Dale Cooper...," Dale repeated. "...do solemnly swear..." "...do solemnly swear..." "...that I will faithfully keep all secrets learned here..." "...that I will faithfully keep all secrets learned here..." "...and in all that I do..." "...and in all that I do..." "...will use my best judgement..." "...will use my best judgement..." "...and never reach beyond my means." "...and never reach beyond my means." Harry lowered his hand. Dale lowered his as well. Harry looked around the table. "I hereby call this meeting of the Book House Boys to order. Let's dispense with old business and get to the point of this meeting." He lifted the lid on the box. In it were two decks of cards and a nice cache of poker chips. Dale looked puzzled. "This is the great secret I was just sworn to keep?" he asked. "If my parents knew I played poker," the eighteen-year-old Joey told him, "they'd have a heart attack." "Poker is a great test of skill, judgement, and loyalty," Harry said. "And besides, it gives us all a boys' night out once a month." Dale smiled slightly. "I don't have any money to gamble with tonight." "You don't have to," Andy told him. "We don't actually collect." Now Dale was really puzzled. "Then what's the point of the chips?" Hawk looked deadly serious. "We play every hand as if we really were betting. And we keep track of wins and losses because someday, we will settle the accounts." A light seemed to go on in Dale's head. "Never reach beyond your means," he realized. "Right," Ed said. "Good thing, too." "Otherwise, Andy'd own Big Ed's Gas Farm," Joey interjected. Dale laughed. "How about $1000 to start with?" Harry suggested. "Sounds good, Sheriff," Dale replied. "Deal me in." Ben's speed boat pulled up to the dock at One Eyed Jack's, on the opposite shore of Black Lake. The neon "J" and outline of a one-eyed jack of diamonds glowed in the twilight. On the dock, a scantily-dressed woman picked up a telephone in a box on the side of the building. "The Horne brothers are here," she said when someone answered. "Right. I'll take care of it." Ben stopped the boat at the dock, and another woman in a tight bustier took the mooring rope and tied it to the dock. "Good evening, Mr. Horne...Mr. Horne," she said, nodding to the two men. Jerry climbed out of the boat, practically salivating. "Sophia...so lovely...I love Italian Renaissance-style clothing. You know, there are three kinds: `Hi, I'm Sophia and I have tits', `Hi, I have tits...and my name is Sophia', and `Hi, I have tits'. This is definitely the latter." Ben said nothing. He was instead staring at the flashing "J" on the side of the building. J...J...JR... Jerry turned to Ben and saw that he was staring up at the side of the whorehouse. "Ben?" he asked. Ben blinked, then looked again at the neon. J...J...J... He sighed. "I really do need this," he said aloud, then climbed out of the boat. "Sophia...magnifico!" He took the woman's hands and kissed them. "And Ruby...my gem...you are enough to make a man stop even pretending to be good." The woman at the telephone in the tight red lingerie smiled. "Good evening, Mr. Horne," she greeted. "Everything's ready for you inside." "I cannot wait." He kissed the woman's cheek, then headed for the steps, Jerry hot on his heels. "I'll bet you can't," Ruby remarked as he headed up the stairs to the brothel's front entrance. "So," Audrey said as Diane started pulling cooking dishes out of the cabinet, "what's for dinner?" "Chicken Breasts Diane," the female Fed responded. Audrey just looked at her for a moment. "And I thought my father was conceited." Diane laughed slightly. "No, that's really what it's called. I ran across the recipe a few years ago in a microwave cookbook." "Microwave? Diana Lee Cooper-Wilkins, the woman who can arrest a bank full of robbers and still be home in time to cook dinner for her man, uses a microwave?" "How do you think I get dinner cooked so fast?" Audrey giggled. "Touche." Diane opened the cabinet above the sink and pulled out four plastic freezer bags. "Here," she said. "Put a chicken breast in each one of those bags, and we'll get started." Audrey did so. Diane handed her the salt and pepper shakers. "Now shake some salt and pepper into each bag." Audrey looked at her oddly. "Don't tell me--shake and bake?" she asked sarcastically. "You're the one who wanted cooking lessons," Diane reminded her. "Right," Audrey said. She opened each bag and shook some salt and pepper into them. "Now what?" "Now for my other great cooking secret." She handed Audrey a worn-out cookbook opened to a dog-eared page. "An entire lifetime of cooking knowledge is contained in this book. Read the recipe. I'm going to go change clothes." "You trust me in this kitchen by myself?" Diane patted the gun holster on her right hip. "Screw anything up and I'll make sure you don't get off easy." Audrey offered her a wry smile and a mock salute. "Aye-aye, Cap'n." "Special Agent." "Right." Diane smiled and left the room. "Ante up, gentleman," Hawk said, tossing in a $1 chip into the pot. Everyone else did the same. "Start us off, Harry," Hawk instructed. "O.K.," the Sheriff replied. "I'm in for five." He tossed a $5 chip into the pot. "Same here," Ed said, his chip clinking against the others. "Not me," Joey remarked, folding up his cards. "Not even on my best night could I bluff this hand into being worth anything." Dale looked at his cards. "O.K., Sheriff," he said, "I see your five and raise you five more." He tossed in a $10 chip. "I'm in," Andy said, throwing in a $10. "Joey," Hawk said, "looks like you and I've got the same hand." He folded, then picked up the deck of cards. "So, how many does everybody want?" "Two," Harry said, discarding two cards. "Same," Ed echoed. "None for me, thanks," Dale indicated. Everyone turned to Dale. Dale said nothing. Not even a smile crossed his perfect example of a poker face. "Two," Andy finally said, not without hesitation. Hawk finished dealing the cards, then turned to Harry. "Bet's at ten, Harry." "Fifteen," Harry corrected, pitching in two chips. "That takes me out," Ed remarked. "Getting cold feet already?" Hawk joked. "It's early yet. Can't afford to lose the Gas Farm this soon." Dale picked up two $10 chips. "Twenty," he said, pitching them into the center. Andy sighed. "I'll try it." He pitched in two chips as well. Harry looked at his hand, then at Cooper. "Call," he said, pitching in the required $20. "O.K., Cooper, let's see what you've got." Dale laid out his hand. A sly smile crossed his face. "Three jacks." Andy tossed down his cards. "Pair of aces." Harry threw aside his hand. "Pair of deuces." Dale looked incredulous. "You bet $20 on a pair of deuces?" "You only bet $20 on three jacks?" Harry replied. Ed shook his head. "Gonna be a long night," he predicted. There was something about One Eyed Jack's that just wasn't right. That was the first thing that struck Benjamin J. Horne as he walked through the casino to the lounge upstairs. It wasn't anything he could put his finger on, it was more a sense that something was in the air. Certainly everything looked normal. There were plenty of scantily-clad beautiful women. There were plenty of patrons in the casino, happily losing money on Benjamin's fixed poker games and roulette wheels. And there appeared to be no cops. One of the unfortunate things about the whole Jean Renault affair was losing his R.C.M.P. protection, Sgt. Preston King. King had thrown in with the wrong crowd--namely Renault--and had been caught by that cross-dressing D.E.A. agent, Bryson. It would take time to cultivate a good source of protection like he'd had with King. But it wasn't just the lack of protection he found disturbing. It was little things. The surveillance cameras squeaked slightly as they panned the room. The hostess girls weren't really hospitable. Jerry'd gone off with one of the roulette girls almost immediately. And that expensive French madam he'd hired was nowhere to be found. "Monsieur Horne?" Speak of the Devil. Benjamin turned around. Standing in the hallway behind him was a tall woman with flowing auburn-brown hair and a rose-colored peignoir set. Classic French features adorned her classically beautiful face. "Chantal," he greeted, turning on the charm. "Enchante." He took her hand and kissed it. "Welcome, Monsieur Horne," she replied. "I was not expecting you this evening. You did not call ahead of time. I am sorry the new girls are not available...perhaps next time..." "Next time?" He looked disappointed. "Chantal, who gets priority over the new girls?" "The owner," she replied dutifully. "So, where are they?" "Currently occupied. If you would care to wait in my office, I could try and free some of them up..." "You do that." She smiled tightly, looking for all the world as if she wanted to smilingly spit in his face, then led him to the office. "I'll only be a moment," she indicated. "Relax and make yourself comfortable." "My comfort level will increase with your success in bringing my girls here," Benjamin stated. Chantal nodded, then left the room through the opposite doorway, the one that led to a secret passage to the suites. Benjamin walked around the brothel's office. Even this room didn't feel right. Certainly it hadn't changed much since Blackie was the madam. The wallpaper was still tacky. The lighting was still horrible. But now the room felt cold, not just sleazy. Ben walked over to the desk and looked everything over. The expensive antique mahogany desk hadn't changed. It was still elegant, still out of place in this tacky Victoriana room. On the TV, a black-and-white monitor showed the surveillance cameras showing the casino floor. Benjamin found himself watching the people, smiling to himself as they wasted their money at the poker table, the craps table, the roulette table... The next image on the screen was Dale Cooper at the blackjack table. Ben blanched. No, he told himself. Cooper is not here. You were just down there. You would have spotted him. He's probably ravaging your daughter, but he is not here. The next image on the screen, from a handheld camera, was Audrey, being held hostage and injected with heroin. No. That happened in the past. But who knew about it here? The next image, obviously from a surveillance camera again, was Jean Renault, stabbing Blackie. Renault...no. Renault is dead. The picture stayed on Renault as he kissed the dead Blackie's lips. He looked up and licked the blood off them. No. There are no such things as vampires. Nervously, Benjamin reached for the elegant wooden box on the desk where he always stowed cigars. It was filled with the Canadian cigarettes Jean Renault smoked. This is not happening. He opened the desk drawers, searching for his cigars. The first drawer he opened contained a bloody photo of Blackie. Quickly, he slammed the drawer shut and opened another one. This one had a bloody dagger in it. He slammed it shut as well. "Monsieur Horne?" Chantal's voice startled Ben, who jumped and whirled around. The madam was standing in the doorway, a silver pistol in hand. "The girls are unavailable at this time." "Some other time, then," he replied nervously. "I'll be back...later..." He hurried for the door that led back out into the hallway. "Jerry!" he shouted as he left the room, slamming the door behind him. Chantal waited until he was gone, then burst out laughing. "How did I do?" she called over her shoulder toward the other door. Nancy O'Reilly, Jean Renault's ex-lover and Blackie's sister, slunk into the room. "Perfect, Chantal," she stated. "Absolutely perfect." She crossed the room toward the desk and took a cigarette out of the box, then raised it to her lips. "I always did find home movies fun. Good thing Blackie and Jean saved most of the juiciest pieces." Chantal put the pistol next to the cigarette and pulled the trigger. A flame ignited at its tip and lit the cigarette. "So what do we do now?" Chantal asked. "We let him shake in his boots for a while," Nancy replied. "He won't be back as long as he thinks this place is haunted. As long as we send him enough each month to fool him into thinking he's getting his share of the take, we should be just fine." "And after that?" "Then we run him out of business again. Just like my lover and your brother did before." Chantal laughed. "Jean always did have the greatest ideas." She picked up a cigarette and lit it with the pistol, taking a long drag from it. "And the best taste in smokes." Both women blew out long puffs of smoke. BR-A-A-A-Z-Z-T! Diane quickly rushed to the stove and pulled the smoking frying pan off the burner, then turned on the exhaust fan as her smoke detector sounded loudly throughout the townhouse. "Sorry," Audrey said, looking sheepish. "That's O.K.," Diane said. "But the recipe says to brown the chicken breasts, not burn them." "I thought these were supposed to cook in the microwave." "They did. But to make them look more appealing, you're supposed to quick-fry them to give them a brown outer coat before smothering them in the thin sauce." "Why?" Diane looked thoughtful. "I don't know. Some gourmet chef probably decided that was a good idea, so he put it in the recipe." Audrey snorted derisively. "Men." "Men," Diane imitated. "Men. Men-men-men-men-men-men-men-men." Audrey started laughing. "You are exactly like him!" Diane looked at her. "Like Dale?" "Yes! He says that all the time. Every time I insult men, he says `men-men-men-men-men-men-men-men', just like that!" Diane smiled. "Know where he got that from?" "No--where?" "One night, when we were living across the hall from each other in Philly, he'd come over to my place and let himself in early because we were going to have dinner together. I came home from work and threw my briefcase down and just shouted, `Men!' And I spent the next ten minutes raving about what this incompetant male had done and what that neanderthal male bureau manager had said and what some two-bit boy-punk had done, and so on. When I finally reached the end of my raving, I shouted, `Men!' again. Dale smiled at me, then held up his notepad. `Diane,' he said, `I have just spent the past ten minutes cataloguing every derogatory use of the term `men' in your entire monologue. I am now up to 32 references. Men are pigs. Men are scum. Men are idiots. Men this. Men that. Men, men, men. Men-men-men-men-men-men-men-men.' So now, whenever I go off on men, all we have to do is look at each other, and we'll both start saying it in unison." Audrey laughed again. "Men!" she said. Then, she and Diane looked at each other. "Men-men-men-men-men-men-men-men!" they both said in unison, then burst out laughing. Diane turned off all the burners on the stove. "What say we postpone this lesson and go to the Double-R?" she offered. "Sounds good to me," Audrey replied. "Daddy always said the only thing I could make for dinner was reservations." "Men," Diane snorted. "Men-men-men-men-men-men-men-men!" the two women laughed in unison as they headed out the door. "Your bet, Harry," Dale said, looking over his cards carefully. It was nearing the end of the monthly ritual, and Dale was clearly winning. Even the normally sure-playing Andy was not doing as well this month. All the others had folded in this last hand as the stakes rose beyond most of their reaches--even with the certainty that no money would be collected this month. "What are we up to now?" Harry asked. "The bet's at fifty," Dale replied. "Right. You opened at twenty." Harry looked over his hand, then over his pile of chips. It was small in comparison to Dale's, but one good win would change that. Harry picked up a stack of $10 chips. "Sixty." Dale raised an eyebrow. "That confident, are you?" "Yeah, poker-face, `cause I think you're bluffing." "Why?" "You never talk unless you've got crap in your hand." "You may not know me as well as you think." Dale picked up seven chips. "Seventy." Hawk whistled. Harry looked into Dale's blue-black eyes, trying to read something from them. All he got in return was that icy stare the Special Agent used when he was interrogating a suspect. It was uncanny how Cooper could remove all warmth from his expression and turn down the thermostat in an instant. Harry looked at the chips, stroking them with his fingers. There wasn't much left. And he'd never lost everything before. But then, he'd never faced off against Cooper before. Finally, a decision was made. He stacked up the entire stock and tossed into the pot. "One hundred," he announced. Everyone at the table whistled and looked at Cooper. The icy stare melted almost instantly. Cooper looked at his hand, then at his chips. He could easily afford the bet, but that wasn't the point. "Never reach beyond your means," he said aloud. He then folded the cards into a single stack and set them face-down on the table. Harry smiled a cat-and-canary grin, then laid out his cards. "Five...six...seven...eight...jack." Cooper rolled his eyes. "I've been had," he moaned. Everyone at the table breathed a collective sigh of relief. Ed patted Harry on the back. "Gotta run," Joey said, getting up from the table. "Gotta be at work early tomorrow." "Yeah, I should be running along, too," Ed remarked. "Nadine gets paranoid if I'm gone too long." "See you later, Harry," Hawk said, getting up. "See you tomorrow," Andy said as he left. "Bye, guys," Harry said. "Same time next month?" The others called back their agreement before vacating the Book House. "I'll help you clean up," Dale offered. "Thanks," Harry replied. Dale collected the empty styrofoam coffee cups and paper napkins, then took them and the now-empty plate toward the kitchen. Momentarily, Harry came in toting the now-empty urn. "You let me win," he said to the younger man. "What do you mean?" Dale replied. Harry held a poker hand spread in front of Dale's face. "Recognize this?" Dale smiled wryly at the five cards in front of him--full house, three aces and two eights. "They do call that the `Dead Man's Hand'," he reminded Harry. Harry folded up the cards. "You had me beat by a mile. A full house. And you let me win. Why?" "I don't suppose you'd believe that you're that good a bluffer." "Nope." Dale leaned against the counter. "I have an I.Q. of 184, Harry, and I can memorize 90% of what I see the first time I see it. I also can count cards fast, which makes me deadly at blackjack." "So you knew I was bluffing the whole time." Dale nodded. "Then why..." "...did I let you win? I don't go for the jugular against friends. Besides, what you said about not reaching beyond your means...you'd reached beyond yours, and if I called, I'd be reaching beyond mine. And I couldn't let you do that while you're trying to plan a wedding. I know how expensive those things are." Harry smiled and shook his head. "You're a good friend, you know that?" "Oh, it wasn't all altruistic. Diane would kill me if I took all your money." Now they were both laughing. "Come on, Coop," Harry said. "Let's get this stuff cleaned up, and I'll buy you coffee and pie at the Double-R." "Cherry pie?" "Of course." Dale gave Harry the "thumbs-up" gesture. "Harry, you're all right." Harry stroked his right temple in the Book House Boys' salute. "So are you." Dale returned the salute. Audrey quietly returned to the darkened Grange, the Horne family home, and closed the door behind her. She started to sneak up the stairs. "Did you have a good time?" Ben's voice called. Audrey stopped and turned toward the living room, where Ben was sitting in the dark, brandy in his hand. "Daddy?" she asked. "What are you doing in there?" "What does it look like?" he replied. She came into the room. "It looks like you're trying to drown something in alcohol." "Very funny. Did you and Cooper have a good evening?" "I didn't go out with Dale tonight. Diane gave me a cooking lesson. Well, not exactly a cooking lesson, because I burned the chicken, but at least I tried." "Aha. Junior G-Man on a case?" "No, he had a meeting after work with the Sheriff." "Sounds like an excuse for a boys' night out." "Well, you'd know all about that, wouldn't you?" She started to leave. "Audrey?" She turned back. Ben looked hesitant. "Does Junior G-Man still believe in...well, in otherworldly things?" Audrey looked confused. "Still?" "When I was under arrest for killing Laura, he talked about needing `magic' to solve the case. Does he still believe in that sort of stuff?" "Dale doesn't really believe in `magic'. It's just a term he uses for things beyond the realm of normal understanding." "But he does believe in that sort of stuff." She shrugged. "I suppose so. He believes in dreams and visions and special bonds." "Then maybe..." Audrey saw genuine fear in her father's eyes. "Maybe what?" "Well...when I was at Jack's tonight, I thought I encountered the ghost of Jean Renault." "What?" "I know, I know, it sounds bizarre, but I kept feeling like I was being watched. I could almost feel his presence. Do you think Cooper could help me sort through this?" Audrey looked at her father for a moment. "Let me see if I've got this straight. You want me to tell my Federal Bureau of Investigation fiance about my father, who's just this side of being legit, thinking he saw a ghost at an illegal brothel in Canada that he owns and gains a profit from but doesn't report to the I.R.S.?" Ben drew back. "Forget I mentioned it." She smiled wickedly. "Mentioned what?" Then, she kissed his cheek. "Good night, Daddy." With that, she was gone, leaving Ben and his demons alone. T H E E N D COMM PANEL 9740-E COVERED WAGON DR. LAUREL, MD 20723-1512 USA E-MAIL: The POWER STAR conference on The Anne Arundel Information Exchange ((410) 519-0822, to 2400 baud, 8-N-1) ((410) 519-0467, 9600 baud, 8-N-1) or Private e-mail to Kimberly Murphy on The Electric Cafe BBS ((805) 399-3636 to 9600 baud, 8-N-1) [We interrupt our usual multi-letter Comm Panel for a letter from Twin Peaks fan writer L. Gray, whose work has appeared frequently in POWER STAR. Because of the length of this letter, my comments are interspersed throughout in brackets, like this.] * * * * * * * * L. Gray Indianapolis, IN Have you ever sat out there, alone in your bedroom, holding the newest hot-off-the-presses zine in your hands, thinking, "Gosh, wouldn't it be great to be close, personal friends with the writers and editors of these fine publications I receive in the mail?" Well, it is great. Some of my best friends are editors, and most of my close friends are writers. But there is a downside to these friendships: Writers, and especially editors, invariably expect you to write them LoCs. They expect this of everybody, of course, but only close friends get personal, guilt-inducing requests. [Now, now. I didn't twist your arm, did I? Don't answer that.  ] As a writer-editor myself, I have not yet tried this tactic on any of my friends, mostly because producing my one and only zine [IT'S LOVE, CAP'N, a STARSKY AND HUTCH zine] was utterly exhausting and I haven't the energy, and also because I haven't yet gotten around to making copies of the LoCs I have received, so asking for more is just asking for more work. [O.K., O.K., I'll finish my LoC this week...] But I digress. (Actually, digressing is one of my best things.) I did write a LoC for "Bridge Between Worlds"--I believe it was in issue 61--but as it has since been rewritten as part of "The Saga Of Dale And Diane" [The POWER STAR Yearbook], and as I'm LoCing (and inventing new words, too!) on the entire series to date, it seems more expedient to incorporate my original LoC into this new, longer letter. First off, my tastes don't run to a Cooper/Audrey pairing--or Harry/Diane, either. I prefer slash [homosexual-based fiction]. But I would certainly rather have Cooper with Audrey than Annie [wouldn't we all?  ], and I don't want Harry alone. [A brief disclaimer on slash, for my readers: POWER STAR has never and will never either knowingly advertise or publish slash fiction. There are plenty of zines out there that do; mine is not one of them. However, I recognize good fiction when I read it--regardless of sexual orientation espoused therein--and L. Gray has allowed me to read some of the best fan fiction out there, much of it in the zine IT'S LOVE, CAP'N. But it's not the kind of zine I could review within these pages. Besides, I don't think even by a broad stretch of the imagination could I fit STARSKY AND HUTCH under the umbrella of Fantastic Fiction that POWER STAR encompasses.] With Diane as Cooper's sister, I tend to think of this incarnation of TWIN PEAKS as an alternate universe. I'm not normally fond of alternate universe stories, but I find these fascinating. The characterizations are excellent and the plots gripping--even reading through a second time to write this I had a hard time putting the zines down. So, with that in mind, comments on each story follow. "Beware Of A Fool's Mate" (The POWER STAR Yearbook) Recently, I ordered as many of the scripts from the original series as I could find and was surprised by the amount of differences between the lines as delivered on screen and the lines in the scripts. Remember The Giant's three clues to Cooper in the second season opener (2.001, in the series' numbering scheme)? Instead of "There is a man in a smiling bag", "The owls are not what they seem", and "Without chemicals, he points", the written lines were "The man in the smiling bag", "The owls are not what you think", and "He points without the proper chemicals". So, in that spirit, how about the following replacements for the three clues he gives Cooper in this story: "A bad breeze whiffs through a synthetic facade", "Beware A Clod's Confidant", and "One who safeguards likewise attends"? Of course this will also require a title change, but...no, never mind. Who would admit to being the author of a story titled "Beware Of A Clod's Confidant"? [Not me...  ] The dialogue is right-on-the-money believable, and the knowledge of chess gives the stories a feeling of being well-grounded. The relationship between Diane and Cooper is wonderful to read. "Two-Pronged Attack" (The POWER STAR Yearbook) I enjoyed Andy's reaction to Diane when he first meets her at The Great Northern--pure Andy; the fool's mate fake-out that drives the plot; Albert's statement to Ben, "You might want to improve security at your hotel, Mr. Horne. It isn't exactly the safest place to spend the night"; and especially the re-enactment of Cooper's shooting--Diane's scream, Harry's play-along-with-it "Bang". [That seems to be the part everybody likes best. I know I enjoyed writing it.] And the in-joke at the end, with Cooper preferring The Doors to Chopin...classic. (Did you know The Doors once stayed at a place called The Great Northern? Do you think David Lynch knew?) [It just goes to prove Cooper's favorite saying that there is no such thing as coincidence.] "Bridge Between Worlds" (The POWER STAR Yearbook) I find the idea of "soul-bonded" twins fascinating, particularly in view of the fact that my mother has a twin brother. She's told me that she's always felt "as if a part of me is missing" with him living in Texas. She also told me she's tried that psychological exercise where you imagine yourself as a child, in a room with all the adults you grew up with, and the adult "you" goes into a room and takes the child "you" by the hand and takes her away so that you can nurture yourself. Only she says she can't do it because she can't leave her twin brother there by himself. The scene in the hospital with Harry comforting Audrey as she wonders if anything can ever be right again was very touching. The cat-and-mouse conversation between Diane and Dale/BOB--where Diane tells Dale/BOB that she's figured out that BOB got out of the Black Lodge by using Harry's body--was something else, and BOB not recognizing the same bait-and-switch routine Cooper and Harry pulled on Leland/BOB was the height of pridefulness. It never would have occurred to him that he could be tricked twice. [It just goes to prove what we saw near the end of BOB's occupation of Leland--that BOB's cockiness eventually gets the better of him every time and that he will trip himself up every time.] The interpretation of the Black and White Lodges seems sound and on target with what Lynch was trying to get across--and much clearer, I might add. Concise, to the point, yet filled with emotional resonance. Great quote from Diane: "So this is the Black Lodge.[...]Maybe they should capture an interior decorator." I really liked the idea that BOB had been influencing Cooper's life for a long time--I'd thought so myself-- and I've often wondered how much he had to do with Marie's [Marie Schlurman, who according to THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF F.B.I. SPECIAL AGENT DALE COOPER was Cooper's teenage love who was killed tragically in a swimming accident at a lakeside cabin days after their first and only sexual encounter] death. And why is there so much fire associated with Cooper's sex life? His encounter with Marie was interrupted by a brush fire started by stray fireworks; his first encounter with Andy [a female grad student at Bryn Mawr with whom Cooper had a brief collegiate affair] was during the Homecoming bonfire; his first encounter with Lena [another Bryn Mawr student] was right after she had torched her parents' house (!); and we all know what happened to Caroline Powell Earle and Annie Blackburn ("Fire--walk with me..."). If I were Audrey, I'd invest in a good set of asbestos lingerie. ("Dale, honey, why are the smoke alarms going off?" "Never mind, Audrey--you don't want to know.") I do have a complaint about Annie dying from a panic attack; true panic attacks are not like this, they are not caused by fear, but rather depression and anxiety, and they are never fatal. Annie may have died of an aneurysm caused by extreme fear, but she did not die of a panic attack. [O.K., you win. We had this discussion back in issue 61, and I'm beginning to see your point. So Annie died of an aneurysm caused by extreme fear. I think I can live with that.] "Two Souls" (Issues 44-46, 48-49) Diane Wilkins meets Jerry Horne--what a thrill for her! Jerry Horne, is, of course, really a Ferengi--short, not very bright, not at all good looking, greedy, and lustful. [I'm starting to worry about your ability to find parallels to nearly every science fiction universe out there...] In Act One, Gordon tells Cooper (in an elevated voice, of course) that Audrey "LOOKS YOUNGER THAN MY DAUGHTER." Gordon has a daughter? [In my universe, he does.] Does Gordon have a wife to go with this daughter? (Call me provincial, if you like, but I think having a wife should precede a man having a daughter.) Is this an ex-wife? [Yes.] If not, I don't think he should be kissing Shelly Johnson like he did at the end of the series. Actually, I think that Shelly should dump Bobby and go to work for Gordon as his "interpreter". [For non-PEAKSters, Shelly is the only person whom Gordon can hear clearly without shouting.] I'm sure if the F.B.I. wouldn't put her on the payroll, everyone Gordon deals with on a regular basis would be willing to chip in on her salary. [I understand Cooper just started taking up a collection...  ] Love the in-jokes--The Doors, again; Diane and Cooper's exchange after Gordon leaves the room (Diane: "Why do I always feel like I stepped into the middle of a David Lynch movie when I try to carry on a conversation with Gordon?" Cooper: "DUNE?" Diane: "BLUE VELVET."); Cooper's shout of "God, I'm in love!"--from the ROLLING STONE interview with Kyle MacLachlan, right? [Right.] Loved Cooper and Diane's intercut, near simultaneous tape recorder entries in Act Three. And the snowball fight Harry started at Dead Dog Farm (near the end of Act Three) was hilarious--all the way through to the armistice snack at the Double-R that started Act Four. Question: Why is Catherine claiming that Andrew founded the Packard Sawmill? Of course, Audrey said on the show that Ben named Horne's Department Store after himself, which is also not true--weren't they both founded in the 1800s? [Yes.] I am perhaps being pedantic here, but I do find this odd. [If I were inclined to try and get around this "gotcha", I'd say that in Real Estate, this is called "puffery", or inflation of your (insert object here)'s assets. But instead I plead guilty to writing this before the ACCESS Guide established that the Packard Mill was founded in the 1800s.] A favorite quote, from Lucy Moran in Act Five: "Agent Cooper--Sheriff Truman says that if you're at a stopping place, he'd like to talk to you. So if you're at a stopping place, could you come up? And if you're not, could you let us know somehow?" [One of my favorites, too--so clearly Lucy. Can't you just hear her saying that?] "Voices Through The Gateway" (Issues 51-54) The plots of all the stories are marvelous, worthy of the series--quite often topping it--but "Voices Through The Gateway" is clearly the best, an impelling idea, perfectly executed. Cooper's literal dreams reminded me very much of Ralph's visions in THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO. [Now that's a unique obser vation. Most people notice the parallel with DUNE's Paul Atredes and his waking dreams.] I especially liked the way everyone around Cooper realizes that something strange is going on with him, but he doesn't catch on right away that anything is different. A nit to pick--what Harry wears around his head is not a wolf's head (Part Three), but rather a small gold ring, and sometimes two--or possibly more--Chinese coins, like the ones Starsky used to wear on STARSKY AND HUTCH. (Oops. I don't like to think about that--universes are not supposed to cross without some writer doing the crossing, but there it is. Don't think about it, we must go on as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened.) [I worry about your ability to find crossed universes in everything...] The other shiny gold thing at his neck looks to me like a pair of wings--actually, they look like a pair of earrings shaped like wings, and there seems to be a space between them--but I'm willing to listen to other theories. I suppose it could be a wolf's head but it would have to be a pin because it is not on the chain. Believe me, I've examined many photos and paused many tapes to do this research, and I know. [Mea culpa. Truth be told, I also looked close at several photos and tapes and could not tell what it was, so I decided to make up something.] The growing pandemonium in Cooper's head, his increasing instability, Harry and Diane racing to find the answers to what is wrong with him all combine to make this story absolutely harrowing, a real "page-turner" as they say on the backs of mystery novels. And the ending was a nice, gently sweet, romantic one. "So Much As A Nightmare" (Issues 57, 59) "So Much As A Nightmare" calls to mind a STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION episode entitled "The Loss", in which Troi loses her empathic abilities. [You're not the first person to notice the similarities, but I swear I wrote this before I saw that episode. It was in fact written before "Bridge Between Worlds" as well.] Besides the fear Cooper felt that he wouldn't be able to do his work, I would imagine there was also a tremendous fear that he wouldn't be himself any more--also not unlike some of us neurotic writers who are afraid tht if we get our neuroses cleared up, we'll lose our creativity and the ability to write. What could be more frightening--writer's block of the soul? Being forced to be ordinary? And thank God Audrey's not pregnant with Jack Wheeler's baby. Though I think Cooper could handle it better than Audrey would--to Audrey it would be Jack's baby; to Cooper it would be Audrey's baby. "MEANWHILE..." (Issue 61) When I first started re-reading "MEANWHILE..." to write this LoC I thought Are we going to send Major Briggs into the Black Lodge for the next 25 years for no particular reason other than the authors consider him an unimportant character, and if so does that mean we have to read about Harry's unstable btich of an ex-wife and end up with Harry and Cooper in bed--O.K., I like that part--like in that awful Peaks story I read in another publication, only better written here? Thank God, no. Instead, we get a succinct analysis of the Black Lodge that is both thoroughly original and in keeping with the other stories in this series. Only I think Dr. Jacoby can be called "the town's most respected psychiatrist" only because he's the town's only psychiatrist--if the town had another shrink, Jacoby would drop to #2. "Yin And Yang" (Issues 63, 65, 66, 70) I think it would be amusing to be given a ticket by a deputy draped in streamers of crepe paper, as Andy was in Act One. But...Hawk can't make coffee (also Act One)? I thought Hawk could do anything. My illusions are shattered. [Nobody's perfect...] I certainly approve of a Diane/Albert alliance (Act Two) more than a Cooper/Albert alliance (as in a Peaks story I read recently)--even if the former is...well, former. [Actually, Albert was my first choice for Diane's paramour; it was poet Vi Janaway who suggested Harry from what she read as great chemistry between the pair in "Two Souls".] "Yin And Yang" is an intelligent, well-polished, suspenseful mystery story with a gentle, silly, sentimental ending--and, as with all the stories, thoroughly satisfying. I have only one complaint--well, actually it's more like a two-part complaint about Harry's character. The first part is that I'd like to see more of Harry's competence. Just because Diane and Cooper are light-years ahead of everyone in the known universe doesn't make Harry incompetent. I'd like to see him shoot at somebody and not miss (someone he was intending to shoot at). And part two, I'd like to see more of his relationship with Cooper. I'm not suggesting slash (though if I thought I had a chance in Hell, I would) [no such luck...I don't do slash]; I'm talking about friendship. They're friends, right? I'd like to see more of their friendship. [Check out "Boys' Night Out", in this issue.] There--now I'm all caught up. It's your turn--write something. [Thanks, L. Gray, for that LoC. Your comments, like all the others we receive, are very much appreciated. And I will finish my LoC to you...I promise....KAM] NEWS Compiled By Kimberly Murphy, Bennet Pomerantz, And Jerry Seward THE INCREDIBLE HULK is coming to the big screen. Universal Studios will be producing an INCREDI BLE HULK feature film with an all-new cast. However, rather than use a live actor to portray the Hulk, the Great Green Behemoth will be computer-generated. The Hulk will be pitted against the evil would-be conqueror The Leader. Look for it next year. The Center For Media And Public Affairs in Washington, DC, recently named the syndicated sci-fi series HIGHLANDER as the most violent series on television. Other "fantastic television" shows making the list: STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION and STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE, and the NBC series SEAQUEST DSV. (No BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD?) Spock is following in Chekov's footsteps? It certainly appears that way. Leonard Nimoy (Spock, ST), will be creating comic-book characters which he'll bring to life in movies, videos, and CD-ROM. Walter Koenig (Chekov, ST) is already the author of the highly-successful RAVER series from Mailbu Comics. Innovation Comics is calling it quits. The QUANTUM LEAP and DARK SHADOWS comics were cancelled a few months ago. Two issues of INTERVIEW WITH A VAMPIRE and an issue each of LOST IN SPACE and ON A PALE HORSE will end the Innovation line. It will be sorely missed. POWER STAR has joined the information superhighway...or rather, "The Information Dirtroad". A special conference (files section) for an electronic "shareware" version of POWER STAR--ASCII text, no formatting, no graphics--has been set up on the newly-formed Anne Arundel Information Exchange BBS, nicknamed "The Information Dirtroad". AAIE supports up to 2400 baud on its regular line and 9600 baud on its high-speed line and carries a vast selection of graphics, shareware programs, online games, and will soon have Internet connectivity. A trial month is available free (1 hr. per logon); services after that cost $5 per month or $50 per year ($40 per year if you sign up during your trial month). To try out AAIE and leave a comment on the POWER STAR conference, use your modem to dial (410) 519-0822 (up to 2400 baud; 8-N-1) or (410) 519-0467 (9600 baud; 8-N-1). Tragedy once again strikes the world of fantastic media: William Conrad, whose voice narrated such shows as BULLWINKLE, THE FUGITIVE, MANIMAL, and BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25TH CENTURY as well as producing and directing several popular shows (BAT MASTERSON, KLONDIKE, NAKED CITY, 77 SUNSET STRIP) and starring in the classic detective series CANNON, passed away 11 February at age 73. Also, "the Picasso of comics," Jack Kirby, who illustrated more than 20,000 pages of artwork for Marvel and DC comics in his renowned 53-year career (including co-creation of Captain America, The Fantastic Four, The Incredible Hulk, X-Men, and Silver Surfer), passed away 6 February at age 76. Both will be missed. POWER STAR The Imagination Anthology COMING NEXT TIME: -- An issue of "Killer Conclusions", starting off with Paul and Scott return to STARMAN's home world to save his people from a plague killing them in the conclusion of "Home For The Weekend" -- The makeshift COUNTERSTRIKE team of Peter, Stone, and Monique Lamer must stop Strand from carrying out his evil plan to ionize the ozone layer and save Nikki--if they can--in the conclusion of "The Man Who Fell From The Sky" -- SPIDERMAN Peter Parker collides with Kingpin Wilson Fisk in the conclusion of "All The Kingpin's Men" Resolve to check out these story resolutions-- Get the next issue of POWER STAR!