["Psycho Circus" fires up as we fade in to see a sold out Madison Square Garden. Dozens of screaming fans are everywhere.] Voice of Anne Brandies: Tonight on Saturday Night Special two tag teams will step into the ring for honor of being the only one worthy of the name "New Age." Then, the lord of bad grammar will take on a member of the Horde. And finally, Nav and Ankoku will take each other on in a match that is impossible to prepare for... It's "Spin the Wheel, Make the Deal" for the Moon Kingdom Title. I'm the Hellmaiden, this my hometown, and this is the AAA... Welcome to Saturday Night Special! [Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Saturday Night Special" fires up as we see a series of clips of various AAA stars in action. These include Wolf hitting Sir Kain with the" AK-47", Aron Scythe nailing Atticus Pain with his "Stardust Press", Oscar locking Bugs Bunny in an Indian Deathlock (Read Oscar Toon), and Sonya Sho Robotnik locking up Scarlet Foxfire in her Labyrinth submission hold. The final shot is of David Kronos holding up his AAA Virtual Champion belt. We then fade in on a computer-animated logo...] SATURDAY NIGHT SPECIAL: WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE. [The camera pans around a sold out Madison Square Garden as we see an endless wave of screaming fans. A few fireworks go off and the camera then closes up to the announcer's table where Anne Brandies, Gadget Hackwrench, and "The American Dream" Dusty Rhoades sitting.] Dusty: Weeelllcum every bawdy to dah eenstalment of Saturday Night Speecial! Ah am "da Ameri-cun Dream" Dusty Rhoades wit me tuh-night is da "Hellmaiden" Anna Brandies, an ah from da Powa Rangers Gagd-ut Hacksaw. Gadget : Uh thanks Dusty but uh that's Hackwrench. An' I'm one of the Rescue Rangers, not Power Rangers!!! And... oh, why bother... Anne: My, you sound awfully stressed out. What's eating you? Gadget : Isn't it already obvious!!!!!! Anne: Ok... So what's eating you besides Caprice? [Gadget suddenly gets up from her seat, grabs Anne's shirt and begins shaking her violently.] Gadget: Look, I'm having a bad week, OK! Foxy's a vampire, Dale's going crazy because she's gone, and now Wolf and Chip are so paranoid that they turned the Headquarters into a fortress! NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BE MAKING JOKES ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH CAPRICE!!!! Anne : Calm down, ok. Sorry, I just can't help myself sometimes. I have a pretty good idea of what you're going through, but you need to keep your head strait. Wolf's gonna take care of that undead bastard, and after that I'm sure everything is gonna back to normal. Gadget: But... but... Anne: We're sitting behind an almost indestructible force field, Goku's standing just around the corner, and the Powers that Be have assured me, that they've hired a very qualified bodyguard to keep an eye on yah. An' even if Sonic 'n' Kefkain finds a way past all that, they'll have to go through me. Dusty: Like ah hot knife through buttah. Anne: Quiet, you're not helping! Look, Gadget, is there anything else bothering you or your girlfriend, or anyone else you're close to? I'll be more than happy to talk to you about it, just dial me up... Gadget: Anne... Anne: What? [Gadget grabs Anne and gives her a hug.] Gadget: Thanks. Anne: Uh... we'll take a short commercial break, while my broadcasting partner regains her composure. Dusty: Weel be right back. *Insert AAA Attitude spot here* [Five minutes of commercials later we cut back to the announcer's table see that Gadget is still hugging Anne.] Anne: Uh... um... Gadget. Gadget: Yes? Anne: Uh... no offense, but you've been clutching to me for five strait minutes and well, contrary to what a few web sites might say... Gadget: Oh... um... ah... sorry about that, I guess Marta was wrong about you. Anne: Yeah I guess so... THE HELL??!!! Gadget: Oh yea, I forgot to tell you, the Powers That Be agreed to have on the show on the condition that you wear this Redneck-to-English translation device they made for you... And I think the sooner you put it on the better. [Gadget hands Dusty a small necklace that with what appears to be dog tag attached to it. Dusty wastes no time putting it on. Anne is still in a case of shock.] Dusty: Well Gadget, I would like to thank the powers that be for realizing that Saturday Night is where the American Dream belongs and. What the?!!! [Small sparks begin shooting out of Dusty's translator, which catches fire. Gadget thankfully splashes a conveniently placed glass of water on top of it before any serious damage can happen.] Gadget: Golly, it short-circuited! Anne: Apparently that just wasn't able to handle Big Dust's "unique" accent. Are you ok Dusty? Dusty: Ah'm fine... An ah would just like tah thank da Powas Dat Be fur lettin' Da Ameri-cun Dream back on Saturday Night where he belongs, uh like Erik Bishoff who nolonga lets me do commentary on duh Mutha-ship... Gadget: Anyway fans tonight we'll be seeing Nav and Ankoku in a spin the wheel make the deal match, but first we're having a special grudge match between one of the AAA's most popular teams and a team from the recently disbanded AWF. Anne: It's the battle to see which tag team has the flat out stupidest name... Gadget: It's the New Age Furries vs. the uh... am I reading this right... The New Age Davids? Anne: No, Gadget, you're reading it right. That's the team's actual name... unfortunately. Which leaves me with one question... Gadget: What? Anne: Does Marta really think that I'm gay? Gadget: Yes. Anne: Well tell her I'm not. Gadget: I don't think she cares. Anne: Ugh... Anyway our NAF vs. NAD match is about to get underway. Gadget: And as the special guest referees we'll be having, the WWF Tag team champions of the wwwwooorrrlllddd... Jesse James Armstrong and Billy Gun: The New Age Outlaws. Dusty: An' behind da mike is one half of da former Een Wubbya Aye tag team champions of the wwwooorrrldd is "Dirty" Dusty Rhoades, a forma member of the Ol' Age Outlaws. Anne: I would also like to point out that the loser of this grudge match will have to change their names, and stop imitating the NOA. And I'm sure you all know who I'm rooting for... Gadget: The Furries? Anne: No, the Davids. Dusty: Why? Anne: What do the New Age Davids spell? Gadget: Uh, nad? Anne: Yeah, and I would like to hear every single fan in this building to chanting "Go Nad!" Gadget: Beavis and Buthead jokes aside, I think the special referees for our first match are on their way to ringside. [George Thurgood type rock music fires up over the speaker system as Jesse James Armstrong and Billy Gun walk their way to ringside carrying sports bottles of water. They climb up on top of the turnbuckles and spit the water into the air. Jesse then grabs the microphone and begins to speak.] Jesse James Armstrong: Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, Degernation X is proud to present its former WWF tag team champions of the Wwwwwoooorrrllllddd the New Age Out Laws!!!!! Billy Gun: And if you ain't down with DX, we've got two words for yah... Fans: Suck It!!!!! MATCH 1: New Age Furries (Colley and Scarlet) vs. New Age Davids (Krocket and B.A.M Kintobor) Anne: Hey guys I just realized something. Both of these teams are blatant knock offs of the New Age Outlaws. And means we're going to have to watch this exact same longwinded entrance again... TWICE! Gadget: Point taken, all in favor of to cutting to a commercial break say 'aye'. All Three: Aye! Dusty: Tha ah's have it. [We then cut to a commercial break that consists entirely of really annoying local ads such as "Chuck's Furniture Mart" and "Phil's used car lot." After five minutes of commercials, we cut back into the ring, where Colley and Scarlet have already finished their entrance and Kintobor and Krocket are finishing up theirs.] Susan Traveler: The Roadskunk David Krocket, H.A. David Kintobor... The New Age Davids!!! [Anne stands up at the announcers table and picks up the microphone and yells.] Anne: And you put an end these overblown, long-winded entrances, We've got two words for yah! Crowd: Shut Up! [Susan gives Anne a mean spirited look and slowly walks out the ring, obviously unhappy with what just transpired.] Anne: I love my fans. Gadget: Well that was certainly too much of a good thing. Dusty: Uh, ah was wondering, what exactly does H.A stand fur? Gadget: Human Ass Anne: You're kidding me. Since when did David Gonterman let Pat Paterson come up with gimmicks for his characters? [Anne starts snickering at the NAD's expense as Billy Gun signals for the bell.] Gadget: Well it looks like the match is about to begin and it appears that Kintobor and Scarlet are starting things off. Dusty: Kintobor? Ain't he supposed tah be dead? [Scarlet and David Kintobor begin circling each other.] Gadget: No this is an alternate dimension's version of him. Dusty: Oh... Anne: An alternate reality's version of "Das-fuhrer" Davie? Dear lord, what's next, a Road Rovers avatar? Gadget: That's exactly what Colley Dogstar is. Anne: Really? I thought he was just an overgrown Spy Dog. [Scarlet takes Kintobor down with an armdrag takeover.] Anne: Wait a minute, if there's a Road Rovers avatar, then that means Road Rovers has fan fiction, and I know for a fact that Road Rovers lacks something that makes that possible. [They both get back up and begin circling each other again.] Dusty: What? Anne: Fans. Gadget: Well anyway, back in the ring Scarlet has just tried to kick H.A in the head, but David caught her foot in midair and... golly! Scarlet just hit him with a kicky thingy to the back of the head. Anne: That would be an enzuiguri. Gadget: Uh... yeah, a kicky thingie. And now Scarlet has picked up Kintobor and she hits him with an Irish Whip, right into the turnbuckle... Dusty: She uh just whipped Ass. Gadget: And she's now hitting Kintobor with a series of kicks to the midsection... Dusty: She's uh now kickin' Ass... Gadget: And now, Scarlet has tagged in Colley who's now banging David's head right into the turnbuckle... Anne: An now Colley's the one who banging A- Gadget: Stop it you two! Anne: Aww... you're no fun. Gadget: Colley now hits David Kintobor with a *huge* vertical suplex. Colley is now going for an irish whip... no! Anne: Short arm lariat! Dusty: He's ah gonna have trouble breathin' after that ah Guerentee. Gadget: Golly it looks like David Kintobor certainly is really having his full with these two. Well now Colley is apparently letting David Kintobor tags in Krockett! Anne: Big mistake. Gadget: Well, apparently Colley doesn't want this to be a total squash. Anne: Well, apparently Colley doesn't know any better. Gadget: Krockett is in the ring, and he tries to punch Colley, but the Road Rover ducks and... KLANK! Dusty: Oops! Anne: Oops is right, Colley tried to counter that punch with an arm breaker. A smart move normally... Dusty: But not when yah opponent's got an arm made outa mettle. Gadget: And Colley just ended up damaging his own shoulder. And now Davie Krocket hits the Road Rover with an inverted atomic drop. And he follows up with... KLANK! Gadget: A fist drop to the uh... um... lower, lower midsection. Dusty: He ah neutered Colley wit dat one. Anne: And rightfully so, we should all try our best to control the population of avatars from unsuccessful television cartoons. Gadget: DDT by Krockett and... and now the cover. Jesse James makes the count. 1... 2... Kickout! Krockett now sends Colley into the ropes and Golly! That's not fair! Anne: Susan just tripped Colley! That amateur... a smart manager should have taken the opportunity to use a pair of brass knuckles or a roll of quarters. Dusty: Sound advice comin' from da mast-uh of eenternationl objects. Anne: Thanks Dusty. Gadget: And now David Krockett has locked Colley into a sleeperhold! Billy Gunn's checking with Colley. He's raising Colley's arm once... It just fell. He's raising it again... it fell again... This could be over but... Dusty: Jawbreaker! Anne: Colley just hit David with a jawbreaker and now they're both down! Gadget: They're both hurt, but Colley makes it to his feat first and now they're both going for the tag! Dusty: Colley makes da tag first... An' here comes Scarlet. Anne: But Krockett makes the tag also, and here comes the Ass! Gadget: Scarlet now tries to pick up Kintobor for a suplex, but... Susan just tripped her! And now Davie-kin's girth may have just crushed her. Anne: An' if that didn't crusher her, David's gaint ass certainly did! Gadget: That's what I meant! Dusty: Da Armstrong kid's going for da count! 1... 2... SHE KICKED OUT! Anne: Starlet's made a pretty a good showing, if she lost the glorified Spy Dog partner and put some foreign objects into her arsenal she might accomplish something. Gadget: Irish whip by H.A and... Reversal! Scarlet just tossed him into the ropes an'... [Susan turns around and hits David Kintobor with a low blow, before realizing that she hit the wrong person.] Dusty: Oops! Gadget: Oops is right. Anne: Well, that was the second stupidest move Susan Traveler ever made. Gadget: What's the first? Anne: Falling in love with Jonathan Brisby Gadget: Hee hee hee... Well anyway, Susan Traveler just hit David with a low blow that was intended for Jim! Dusty: Who's Jim? Gadget: Scarlet's host. Anne: Wait, a minute? There's a guy inside of that thing? I wonder what Jim's family thinks about this. Dusty: Ah have a pretty good idea... Gadget: Well now David Kintobor's reeling in pain and well Miss Scarlet doesn't give a damn. Beautiful ropeflip Guillotine Legdrop by the zoot! Anne: Saint Louis Jam! Gadget: And now Scarlet just tossed David Kintobor into the courner and she just hit him with a huge Ric Flair style chop. Crowd: Whooooooo! Gadget: And another one! Crowd: Whooooo! Gadget: And it looks like the Furries are about to end this. Scarlet now dropping David to the mat with a powerbomb.. Wait a minute, she bridged over him into some kind of pinning combination. Anne: Jackknife Powerbomb, shades of Kenta Kobashi! Count by Mr. Ass! 1... 2... But Krockett just made the save! Gadget: Hey wait a minute, that didn't look like Colley's finishing move, I thought Colley's move was a Jacknife powerbomb. Anne: Well that move Coley uses is not really a Jacknife powerbomb, but people still call it that anyway. Dusty: Tha Davids are ah now clubberin' Scarlet! Anne: But here comes Colley and... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPP!!!! Anne: Wha ha ha ha!!!! Gadget: He just tore off David Krocket's skunk costume! Anne: And he's wearing little heart boxer shorts! Wha ha ha ha!!!! Dusty: To bad Krockett's suit ain't alive like Jim's. Gadget: And now Colley just tossed him out of the ring! One down, one to go... Anne: And now, Colley is setting up Krockett on his shoulders, it looks like he's going for some kind Doomsday device. Dusty: Scarlet's climbing the ropes, to deliver the Coup dey Greys! Gadget: Wait a minute... here comes Susan... but, but... Jonathan Brisby's holding her back! Dusty: Looks like dah Honeymoon is over! Anne: Scarlet's climbing the top ropes and... FRANKEN-SCARLET! Gadget: FoxySteiner! Dusty: What ever it was... this one ees over... Both Billy an' dat Armstrong kid are ah makin' da count and... 1!!! 2!!! Gadget: What the? [The New Age Outlaws suddenly stop counting. Jesse suddenly summons what appears to be a black glowing aura.] Anne: They stopped counting! Wait a minute... It looks like Jesse James has somehow contrived superpowers and! Jesse James: ARMSTRONG CURSE!!!! [Jesse fires what appears to a black ball of energy at Scarlet, which apparently has no affect on her. Until she tries to stand up. She then trips over and lands flat on her back, she then tries to get up, but can't get to her feat, as if some invisible force is pinning her to the mat, which as we all know is where all Armstrongs inevitably end up. ] Gadget: No... No... anything but that! Not the ARMSTRONG CURSE! And now, Billy Gun just kicked Colley in the stomach! He's picking up Colley and here comes Jesse! Dusty: Spike Piledriva! Good night, Colley. Anne: Colley's now unconscious due to a spike piledriver, Scarlet is now stuck flat on her back thanks to the infamous Armstrong Curse, and Kintobor was taken out by that Super Franken-Scarlet! Gadget: That's Foxysteiner! Anne: Whatever! Dusty: Dat leaves one man. Gadget: "Roadkill" Davie Krockett, who's still outside of the ring trying to get his Skunk costume back on! Wait a minute, here comes the outlaws and they've got both chairs! THWACK!!!!! THWACK!!!!! THWACK!!!!! Dusty: So much for da king of da wild frontier! Anne: I don't think they're done yet... SPIKE PILEDRIVE ON TOP OF THE CHAIR! Whoo-hoo! Gadget: Well, all four of them have been taken, and there's no DQ, so now what? Dusty: Ah have a pretty good idea... [Jesse James grabs the microphone and addresses the crowd.] Jesse James Armstrong: The winners of this contest, by the result of a double knockout, are... The often imitated, but never duplicated, WWF Tag Team Champions of the Wwwwooorrrllllddd!!!!! The Road Dog Jesse James, the Bad Ass Billy Gun! The New Age Outlaws!!! Billy Gun: And if any of you ever try to rip off DX again, we've got two words for yah! Crowd: SUCK IT!!!!!!!! [Anne stands up and does a few DX style Crotch Chops.] Gadget: Well now I guess both teams are going to have to change their names and stop imitating the outlaws, but I now that I think about it Jesse and Billy probably wouldn't have it the other way. And... Anne, are you crying? Anne: Sniff.. We'll never see the New Age Davids or the New Age Furries ever again. I'm so happy... I haven't seen a punking this good since the days of the Dangerous Aliance. sob... Gadget: Uh... we'll be right back. [The other members of Team Foxfire show up and start helping their teammates back to the locker room. Meanwhile, HHH and X-Pac have gone down to the entrance way and are slapping high fives with Billy and Jesse as we fade to comercials.] Winner: Double K.O. [We come back from the commercials to see the AAA's mascot Lynxara standing in the aisleway besides the ominous "Wheel of Pain." A huge huge wheel of fortune type thing, with the names of gimmick matches written on the panels.] Gadget: This particular wheel features just every gimmick match imaginable, tonight we could see a "first blood match", or a "Texas Death Match", or maybe even a "Carribian Spidernet Deathmatch." Anne: Yes we could have real blood bath on our hands tonight, and I'm sure that's just the way Nav would like it. [The camera cuts away to a split screen to show both combatants' locker rooms. Nav and Bane are both watching a closed circuit TV in great anticipation. Meanwhile Deb and Ankoku are also watching the wheel, but with a great look of concern on their faces.] Dusty: An' Lynxara's ah grabbin' da wheel! [Lynxara grabs ahold of the "wheel of pain" and proceeds to spin it with surprising strength.] Clickity, Clickity, Clickity, Clickity.... Anne: C'mon Taipei Death Match! I wanna see a Taipei Death Match! Dusty: What kinda match is dat? Clickity, Clickity, Clickity... Anne: Rent the movie Kickboxer. You'll find out... Gadget: The wheel's slowing down, Golly this is exciting... Clickity..... Clickity.... Click! Gadget: It's gonna be... oh dear... Anne: It's not a Taipei Deathmatch, but... I could go for this. Dusty: Oh dear lawd, can dey actually make them wrestle this... [The camera cuts back to the locker rooms to see Nav's face starring at his closed circuit TV set in complete horror. Meanwhile Ankoku and Deb are looking at their television set in a state of utter confusion. The camera then cuts to see Lynxara standing in front of the wheel of pain and holding a microphone.] Lynxara: The as a result of the spinning wheel, we will now have the um... uh... pleasure of seeing Nav and Ankoku wrestling in an... I can't believe this... Anne: Say it! Say it! Lynxara: Tonight we will be seeing Nav and Ankoku wrestling in an "Evening Gown" match. [There is a very loud pop from the female members of the audience.] Anne: Wha ha ha ha! I can't wait. [The camera cuts back to the split screen to see an enraged Nav trashing his locker room, while Bane can't help but have a few chuckles at his friend's expense. Ankoku on the other hand, is still wondering exactly how he got into this situation.] Anne: Yah know what, I really hate it when Tony says this, but I can personally say that tonight really is gonna be the greatest night in the history of professional wrestling. Dusty: Speak for yah self... Anne: Now if only we could figure out how to get TAKA and Benoit in one of these things and... Gadget: Uh... We'll be right back... [5 minutes of your most annoying local commercials later.] Gadget: And we're back with our second match about to get underway. Unfortunately, Robby the robot-referee is under repair, but thankfully the Powers That Be were able to find a replacement. Anne: And that replacement is the NPWA's senior referee "Blind" Willie Feldman... My favorite referee in the whole multiverse. Gadget: Anyway, our next match is going to be between Lord Thinker and that pervert, the Great Red Serpent. Grrr... Dusty: And there's ah lotta bad blud between theese two... Ah guer-ren-tee! Anne: And as anyone with an IQ over 12 can see, there's also a lot of bad blood between Miss Hackwrench and the Horde in general. [They whiny saxophone music that is Val Venis' entrance theeme fires up over the speaker system. As the Great Red Serpent makes his way to ringside wearing the new Sonic's Horde T-shirt with designs by SPLUT. He is greeted with a chorus of boos.] Anne: As Dusty said, there certainly is a lot of bad blood between Lord Thinker and the Horde, and Thinker had better not underestimate the Serpent. Who, despite his less than stellar record, is a rather dangerous individual. [The camera cuts to clips of the Great Red Serpent wrestling Lynxara and Scarlet Foxfire, and taking unfair advantages of the situation.] Anne: You can plainly see the Great Red Serpent happens to be a graduate of the Scott Hall school of self-defense. Gadget: Anne, stop being silly... We all know that Scott Hall only uses those kinds of moves on *elderly* women. Dusty: Da Red Salamanda has da mike! G.R.S: Hhhheeeellllllooo Senshi! Anne: Hhhheelloo Echi! Gadget: Grrr... G.R.S: First of all, the Great Redboski would like announce that due to some highly *personal* reasons, Dark Sonic is not going to be here tonight. [Crowd Pops.] G.R.S: However, I would now like to introduce a man who would like to make an announcement. I would like to introduce the man who destroyed your hero Wolf- a-rine at King of the Net. I would like to introduce the man who has taken such liberties with Ms. Brisby last night that he is legally Jonathan's grandfather in 17 states. He is the man who would have gotten the chance to destroy David Kronos had it not been for some *blatant* interference by a sore loser. Here is *your* Mobian champion... KEFKAIN! Gadget: Grrrrrr... [The lights go off and Rob Zombie's "Dragula " fires up over the speaker system, and the crowd breaks into an even chorus of boos as the vampire wolf known as Kefkain slowly makes his way to ringside. After reaching the ring, Kefkain forcefully grabs the microphone from the Great Red Serpent and proceeds to speak.] Kefkain: Wolf... I though you learned a lesson at King of the Net. Well, Wolf, but judging by your actions on last week's Fight Scene, it appears that I was wrong... I would now like to announce that the Horde's new first priority is going to be your complete physical and mental destruction. And Wolf... at InterSlam, I can assure you that the Mind Games match will be your last. G.R.S: And Wolf, heh heh heh... as a much as I enjoyed getting my hands on your pussey... cat on AAA Extreme, well I've decided to leave her alone for awhile... You see Wolf, we have decided to take a new strategy with you... We're going to start out low on the... heh heh... totem pole, and then we are going to work our way... up. And then we are to gradually sever off all that is dear to you Wolf-a-rine. [The Great Red Serpent pauses for a moment, and then takes a look at the announcer's table.] G.R.D: And Wolf, I would also like to say, that Sonic and Kefkain have given me full permission to play the role of the "Little Dutch Boy." Gadget: Huh? Dusty: Uh... Gadget... I duhno.. how tag sat this... but uh... Anne: He's saying that he's gonna plug up Wolf's dy... Oh dear lord... Um sorry I didn't realize what he was...well... Gadget: WHAT??!!!! Anne: Calm down Gadge... Don't let the Little Red Worm get under your skin. He's just trying to make you angry and he wants you to do something stupid... calm down. Gadget: Grrr... [Gadget ducks under the announcer's table, and returns holding a human-scale version of her plunger crossbow, but this one is loaded with a *real* dart. Anne holds her back...] Anne: Just calm down... Don't fall for anything this guys says. G.R.D: Oh yeah and Anne, I'm sure you and your *friend* who's on crutches are sick and tired of playing with a certain Otaku's... joystick... In fact, I'm sure either one of you would beg on your knees for a night with the great Redboski... Anne: Ah go screw your self... [The head of AAA security Son Goku can be seen standing at ringside looking at The Great Red Serpent and Kefkain, appearing rather displeased. Kefkain steps outside of the ring laughing darkly, while the Serpent stays inside of the ring, looking rather pleased with himself. As Anne and Dusty hold back a very angry Gadget.] Gadget: I hope someone kicks the ungodly crap out of this guy. ["The Sailor Stars" theme music fires up.] Anne: Ask Gadget and ye shalt recieve... Dusty: Lord Thinka is ah comin' and he looks aw-full mad. Gadget & Anne: Good! [Lord Thinker comes down to ringside wearing his yellow shirt, leggings, and boots. He steps into the ring, sets down his sword in the corner, and then proceeds to do his unusual warm up exercises...] MATCH 2: Lord Thinker vs. The Great Red Serpent (With Kefkain). Gadget: Thinker is now in the ring, and Mr. Feldman is calling for the bell... and! Oh no! Anne: Kefkain's in the ring, and he just punked Lord Thinker from behind! Dusty: They're ah clubberin' Thinka! Gadget: Oh no! Why isn't the referee calling for the bell? Anne: No D.Q, remember. Gadget: But he could rule it a no contest, why isn't Mr. Feldman doing anything, you don't think he's working for Sonic do you? Anne: Nah, Willie Feldman's a good man, back when I was wrestling, he was my favorite referee. Gadget: If he isn't a part of the horde, then... Oh golly! He really is blind! Anne: That's why he was my favorite referee. You'd be amazed the by the stuff I'd get away with... Ah those were the days... Dusty: Well now da Salamanda an' Kefkain have ah'tossed Thinka in the courner an' ah layin' da boots tah him. Gadget: This is awful, I wish Lord Thinker, had a tag team partner... Dusty: Yeah, but ah can't imageen what it would be like tah team up wit ah guy like Thinka. Ah mean how could yah comuney-cate wit ah guy who butchas da Eeen-gleesh laun-gage da way dat Thinka does... Gadget: I'd have no idea... Anne: Sigh... yeah the old days. I sure miss those... Gadget: The Great Red Serpent is now setting up Lord Thinker on the turnbuckle an' Kefkain's climbing the top ropes an'... THUD! Gadget: DDT off the turnbuckles by Kefkain! Anne: Sigh... the DDT, I hardly ever got to show off that move in the U.S, an' dammit I was good at it. sigh... Dusty: Well Kefkain's now leavin' da ring, an' he's ah lookin' awfully pleased wit himself... Gadget: Well, it looks like there's no way Thinker can win now, the poor guy. Anne: Why... Why did I have to order the shrimp cocktail at Club Anipike. And why, Cesar, why did you have to retire so young... Why did you have to leave before I could tell you... Gadget: SNAP OUT OF IT ANNE! Anne: What... uh... sorry I was just a little nostalgic I guess. Dusty: Da Great Red Salamanda hits Thinka wit ah Dee Dee Tee! Gadget: So who was this Cesar guy? Anne: Uh no one... Gadget: Oh sure... Well, it looks like the Serpent is trying to end this one; he's picked up the barely conscious Lord Thinker. He's thrown him into the ropes and... Oh Golly! Dusty: Bang, yer dead! Anne: The Great Red Serpent tried to pin him with a crucifix style take down, but Thinker grabbed him in mid move and... Gadget: He countered it with the MindBender! Dusty: Thinka wit da cover... an' 1... 2... 3!!! Anne: Yes! [Huge Pop from the crowd] WINNER: Lord Thinker via Pinfall. Anne: Wait a minute, I think Kefkain just found out what happened, an' he looks pissed! Gadget: Oh no... Kefkain hit the ring, and... Dusty: SOUL TRAIN! Gadget: Uh... that's Drain... Anne: Thinker's a tough guy, but after all he's been through, he isn't getting up from that one. Gadget: And now the Great Red Serpent has gotten from his feat. Dusty: They're ah clubberin' Thinka again! Gadget: The Serpent and Kefkain are now laying the boots to the now unconscious Lord Thinker an' wait a minute... here comes! Anne: WOLF-A-RINE! An he brought Sonya an' Q with him... Gadget: Kefkain is now stepping outside of the ring, and he and Wolf are now just starring at each other... Anne: Kinda creepy... Dusty: They don't seam tah notice the fact that da Serpent is still ah bruta- lizin' Lord Thinka! Gadget: Omi-gosh! Your right, and what the? Some one just jumped out of the crowd and over the railing and he's got a chair... It's it's... Anne: NNNERRRRDDDBBBBOOOYYY!!!! WHO-HOO!!! Gadget: Aron Scythe has hit the ring... an' he's got a chair... an' he looks beyond mad... THWACK! Aron: Didn't anyone ever tell you how to act when in the presence of a Lady? Huh? Gadget: While Aron's admonishing the Great Red Serpent, Wolf and Kefkain are just staring at each other... Anne: To those two, it's as if everything else in this arena is a thousand miles away... They're just focused on each other... Dusty: Hey Aron's ah picken' up da Salamanda an' he's ah setting him up in ah Tree uh Woes... Gadget: The infamous Tree of Woe, which is one of those positions that are impossible to escape from, but no one, really knows quite why... Anne: This is still creeping me out, the way that Wolf and Kefkain are just staring at each other... And Kefkain is... laughing. Gadget: Aron's now placed a chair on top of The Red Serpent's head and... Thunk!!! Aron: This is for Raye!!! Gadget: He just stomped on top of it! Thunk!!! Aron: And this is for Scarlet! [Aron keeps stomping away on the Great Red Serpent's face while yelling out the names of women he has abused or harassed, while the camera cuts to a close up of Wolf and Kefkain who are still starring at each other in rage... Q and Sonya are on the sidelines, waiting for something to happen. Son Goku is also watching apparently waiting to prevent any carnage.] Anne: Kefkain just pulled out that Chaos emerald of his! This is bad... Kefkain: I don't have time for games... You just wait... [Kefkain suddenly disappears in is a cloud of red fog...] Gadget: He's taken mist form! I guess we'll have to wait to see these two go at it... But, Kefkain just left the Great Red Serpent behind for the wolves... Anne: Correction, Kefkain left the Serpent behind for the nerd. Gadget: Whatever, I'm just glad the Serpent is getting face re-arranged. Anne: Anyway, after the Serpent's performance as of late, first loosing to a friggen' valet and now blowing this sure win... I honestly can't blame Kefkain. Thunk!!! Aron: An' this is for Gadget! Gadget: Thanks. Thunk! Aron: An' this is for Anne! Thunk! Aron: An' this is for Tomoe! Thunk! Aron: An' this is for anyone I may have missed... Thunk! Thunk! Thunk! Anne: He's won't stop kicking that chair in the Serpent's face! But it's not like he doesn't deserve it... Dusty: But he's gotta stop sometime... if he beats da Salamanda tah death da Pow-ahs Dat Be might fire him. Anne: Hey your right. Well it looks like Wolf's just noticed what's going on in the ring. Gadget: Now, Wolf's trying to pull Aron away from Serpent an'... He just shoved Wolf, and he won't stop kicking the Serpent! Anne: Ah... Aron just freaked out... hold on a second... [Anne picks up a microphone and stands up.] Anne: Hey Aron! Snap out of it kid! Gadget: Well, Aron's stopped kicking... he's now sitting down clutching his head, and well... I think he's trying to get a grip on things. Anne: Aron's a nice kid, he just well... Freaks out sometimes... Gadget: What amazing showing of sportsmanship by Wolf. He's helping the Great Red Serpent to his feat, and hey Agent Q's entering the ring. They're both helping the Serpent out of the ring. This is an amazing showing of sportsmanship by the Commando Rodents... Especially considering the fact that a moment ago he threatened to... Grrr... Dusty: Wait a minute! Anne: They just picked up the Serpent for a double verticle suplex... or... oh this is cool! Dusty: Dubble Aye Kaye-47! Gadget: Whew, I thought he was going soft for a moment... Anne: Two punkings in one night... Whoo-hoo! Well Wolf and the guys are now heading backstage and the E.M.T's are carrying the Great Red Serpent away... Anyway, we're minutes away from seeing Nav and Ankoku tearing each other's clothes off... Gadget: So Anne... uh exactly who was this Cesar guy you mentioned a few minutes ago... Anne: Uh... nobody... Gadget: C'mon... Anne: I'll tell you if you'll tell me everything that happened the night Marta and Ling Ling invited you and Caprice to that party. Gadget: Uh... we'll be right back... [Five minutes of commercials later we cut back to see Anne and Gadget in deep conversation. Dusty Rhodes on the other hand seems rather disinterested.] Gadget: So anyway, we then started to play Twister, an' every time Marta was supposed to put her hands on a different color she'd... Oh Golly! We're back! Anne: And it looks like the Evening Gown match is going to get underway. ['Instruments of Destruction' fires up over the speaker system as Nav slowly walks down to the ring looking incredibly angry. He is carrying an M-16 rifle and wearing a bright green evening gown. Accompanying Nav as always is the massive Bane who can't help but chuckle at his friend's situation.] Gadget: Golly, Nav sure looks angry... Anne: Wha ha ha ha ha! Oh god help me… Wha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!! I like Nav as much as the next person but... This has to be the funniest thing I have ever seen. Oh dear lord... Wha ha ha ha!!! [Anne keeps laughing and nearly falls out of her chair, while Gadget and Dusty attempt to keep a strait face in this absurd situation. Suddenly Nav's music dies down and is suddenly replaced by Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On."] Anne: Yes sir... now there's some theme music that will strike fear in the heart of your opponent. [Ankoku makes his way to ringside wearing a white evening gown, looking very determined. He is accompanied by his wife Deb Lawson, who is still showing some signs of her injury that occurred at King of the Net. He is greeted by a loud pop, mostly coming from the female members of the crowd.] MATCH # 3: Evening Gown Match: ANKOKU (W/ Deb Lawson) Vs. NAV (W/ Bane) Gadget: Well, Ankoku looks very confident going in this match, despite this rather absurd situation he's been placed in. Anne: I honestly don't know why all the ladies in the crowd seam make to big deal about this guy. He looks like a girl, especially in that dress. Gadget: Hmmm... So I take it that you're not into bishonens, Anne? Anne: I like guys who look like guys. Dusty: An here's dah bell! Things ah about tah get started... Anne: I wonder what Nav and Ankoku's friends and family think about the fact that these two are wrestling in drag. Dusty: Ah have a good idea wat d'er ah thinkin' right now… Ah've felt it eva since Dustin ent-ahed da dubbya dubbya eff. Gadget: That's too bad Dusty. [Nav and Ankoku begin circling each other.] Anne: And Ankoku hits an amateur style double leg takedown on Nav, and it looks like he's already ripping Nav's dress. Gadget: This is the kind of match is not going last very long... Dusty: Thank goodness. Anne: And the Destroyer just kicked Ankoku off of him. But Nav's had enough of his dress removed that I can tell he prefers briefs. Gadget: Both men are at now at their feat, Ankoku now tosses Nav into the ropes with and Irish whip looks like he's going for a backdrop, but... Dusty: He tele-graphed it, and da Destroy-ah hits heem wit a big ol' boot tah the head. Anne: That would be a Mafia kick. Gadget: And now Nav picks now, Ankoku with a *huge* double underhook suplex. THWAP! Anne: And, thanks to that Suplex, I just found out that Ankoku prefers boxers. Gadget: Say... Look over there! [Gadget points towards the other end of the arena, the camera pans over towards the crowd where we see Samantha Jones and the Kazei Five are sitting in some box seats.] Anne: Hey, It's my pal Sammy! Gadget: Rather poetic justice that Samantha Jones and Marta Nys the combatants of the first evening gown match held in the Author Avatar Association are watching this. Dusty: So Anny, who do yah preefer in dis here match? Anne: I duhno... Ankoku looks more fitting wearing that dress, but I have some inside reports telling me that Nav has been practicing very hard for this match. Gadget: How is it possible for Nav to practice for a match, were he didn't know the stipulations? Dusty: An' Nav starts ah' stompin' on heem! Anne: Well yah see before Bane was injured, he and Nav were preparing for the tag team tournment... Dusty: Nav just dropped an' elbow on An'Cocoa. Gadget: Yeah so? Anne: Well, before his injury I have some inside sources that have told me that before the injury, Nav and Bane tag teamed each other as much as humanly possible. Gadget: Oh... huh? Dusty: Yah shouldn't joke about that sorta thing Anny. Nav might cum gunnin' for yah. Anne: Don't worry Dusty, I know for a fact that Nav's gun don't aim at the ladies, if yah know what I mean. Gadget: I don't get it… Anyway Nav is now picking Ankoku up for an inverted DDT… NO! Instead Nav goes down on him with an elbow to the heart, Commando Style! Anne: Yah know Bane sure does like it when Nav goes down Commando Style. Gadget: He does? Hey!!! Dusty: Yer ah' treadin' on some awfully theen ice Anney… If yah keep mouthin' off about everyone in dis here fed, ah cun guarantee that wun uf deese days someone's ah gonna cum aftah yeah Anne: I'll say what I want, whenever I want Dusty, and if anyone has a problem with that, they'll have to take it up with the authors of the first amendment. Gadget: Nav is picking up Ankoku and he tosses him into the turnbuckle. It looked like Ankoku hit the turnbuckle rather hard on that one. Anne: And Nav's setting him up on the turnbuckle… Anne: It's almost as if, Nav has forgot the point of this match was to tear his opponent's clothes off. Dusty: Ah guess he doesn't wanna see An'cocoa een his box-ahs? Anne: Nah... money says he just doesn't want to make Bane jealous by unclothing another man. Gadget: Nav's attempting a suplex... No! Ankoku tosses him off with authority! Anne: And he follows it up with an Elbow drop! Gadget: That was a sweet counter move by the bishonen. And it looks like he's tearing away at Nav's dress! Anne: Tear it all off Nav! I wanna see the destroyer's cannon! Dusty: Somewhere ah can hear team Foxfire laughing 'bout dis match. Anne: Nav manages to push off Ankoku who at this point has managed to tear off most of Nav's dress. Nav is now rolling outside of the ring. Gadget: I wonder why he's doing that? I guess he's taking a breather. Dusty: Ah don't think so. Anne: He's got that M-16 rifle... he's got a gun. I wonder what Freud would say about this. Dusty: He'd say you'd bettah stop makin' fun of dah crazy man wit dah gun. Anne: I'm behind a bulletproof force field, I'll say what I want. OH MY GOD! Dusty: Oh mah stars! Gadget: Oh-mi-gosh! Ankoku just tried to hit Nav with a plancha suicidia and he just got drilled in the head with that assault riffle. Anne: I see someone's been researching their wrestling moves. Gadget: Hey, I try... Anne: Anyway, it looks like Nav has totally knocked out Ankoku with that move and he's now dragging the lifeless bishonen over towards our Mobian announcer's table! He's setting Ankoku [Rotor and Antoine scurry away from the table.] Antione: Sacre Blue! I do not get paid enough for zees! Anne: The destroyer's now climbing up on top of the ring apron… an' Dusty: Froggy Woggy Slash! Crunch!!!! Gadget: Rather impressive showing of aerial skill by Nav, but it looks like they're both hurt. Anne: I think that Ankoku got his knees up at the last minute. It looked that move hurt Nav almost as much as it hurt Ankoku. Gadget: Well our Mobian announcer's table just got smashed, and it looks like both of our combatants dresses have been ripped on the broken wood. Anne: Yes, it appears that only a few threads are all that are holding up Nav's dress, it looks like he had better think of something drastic if he doesn't want to get lose his title... And Nav weekly rolls off the table, but wait a minute... Bane just handed Nav... it... it looks like a Molotov Cocktail! Gadget: It looks like... He's gonna burn Ankoku's dress off. Anne: Yah gotta do what you can do to win. Gadget: Nav just pulled out a Zippo lighter! Ankoku is weakly trying to get to his feat, but... Dusty: Ah think dat Zippo's empty... Anne: Your right, it looks like Nav just can't get the firebomb of his lit. Gadget: Wait a minute... Here comes Soulstone and... STASIS BLADE! Dusty: She hit Bane! She hit Bane! Ah can guarantee he'll be a feelin' dat for a week. Anne: It looked like Bane tried to push Nav out of the way, but it looks like he accidentally got himself frozen. Oh well, I'm sure Nav will figure out a way to thaw him... Gadget: Nav, just lit the molotov cocktail and... and.... Anne: Dear God No... Gadget: He just tossed it at Soulstone! Anne: Thank goodness Debby paid attention to those safety films they show you in elementary school. Remember kids... stop, drop, and roll. Gadget: She doesn't appear to be hurt that badly, but... well... Anne: I think it's safe to say that both Soulstone and Bane are out for the count. Dusty: An'cocoa just got up, an he looks awful mad! Gadget: Your right Dusty... It looks like he's charging up that blue aura of his for the... the... "AZURE DRAGON STORM!" Dusty: WHAT THE? Anne: Oh my... Gadget: Uh can we see that on replay? [The camera cuts to an instant replay. Where we see that as Ankoku charging up his aura for the Azure Dragon Storm, Nav quickly pulled out a small role of candies and popped one into his mouth. Then just as Ankoku fired Azure Dragon Storm, the dragon shaped blast suddenly and without warning turned a full 360 degrees slamming into its creator.] Gadget: The unholy power of Mentos has struck again! [Suddenly the ultra-annoying Mentos song fires up over the speakersystem.] Anne: And... and... "Blind" Willie Feldmen is calling for the bell. It looks like the full impact of that dragon shaped ki-blast has completely torn off Ankoku's dress and... he's... almost naked... and... oh my... [Anne suddenly faints, but is thankfully caught in mid-air by Dusty Rhoades.] Dusty Rhoades: What happened tah Anny? Gadget: I think that bishonen effect finally kicked in on her. [The Mentos song dies down and is replaced by 'Instruments of Destruction' as Nav grabs a hold of his Moon Kingdom title and slowly walks away from the ring.] WINNER: Nav! Gadget: Well Nav has just successfully defended his Moon Kingdom title for the first time, and golly, we're out of time. I'm Gadget Hackwrench and on the behalf of Anne and Dusty, goodnight everybody. ["Saturday Night Special" by Lynyrd Skynyrd fires up once again as we fade to black.]